I want to stop thinking.
You ever feel like you want to rip your heart out of your chest just so it can stop feeling? Like just for one second, you will stop having emotions. But psychological studies show that it’s not the heart that feels, but the mind so maybe I should rip my brain out of my head too, for I am going insane with all these scattered and jumbled up thoughts that are hiding in there. And apparently, they’re not leaving anytime soon. I want to stop thinking. I want to have no thoughts, so I won’t have to overthink, and overanalyze, and so I won’t have to burn myself out. I won’t have a mind to tell me how to feel, how to hurt, and how to cry. If I don’t have a mind, my heart won’t feel. It would just do its job and pump blood. I won’t have to think about the roughness of your hands or the sensations that your fingers leave on my skin. I won’t feel like my heart is actually aching or longing for someone who isn’t even mine to begin with. I won’t think of you, and I won’t feel the pain of you not thinking about me, because I am here, losing my mind and breaking my own heart while trying to figure out something that won’t unravel itself.