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inaudible sighs anthology
best in the world
i never could have imagined
my life would lead me here
by walking up a row of bleachers
that saying hi to a girl
my friend said to stay away from
"because she was weird"
would have the direst of consequences
and drive my heart to tear itself free
gnawing at its limbs
like a coyote in a trap
and when it finally did break out
curl up for warmth in your hands
and clean its wounds
praying with all its life left
that this would be the safest place

but how can it be?
when your hands are so seldom free
and they are holding someone else
and my heart carelessly slips
from your tender grasp
so that all it can find for comfort
outside of that warm place
which it would rather call home
than any other place it could dream of
is the dirt under your feet
and you stroll over it
as if you'd never held it at all

i feel this sensation
more often than i'd ever hoped i would

but if you're intent on leaving tracks on my heart
then i swear by every tear i've ever shed
that they won't be in vain
because maybe i'm out of tears
but they are not what fuel me
they are not what drives me
i'm driven by the feeling of waking up next to you
the sensation of your skin against mine
and the way your eyes light up
and you smile when you tell me you love me
so i've got enough to get where i'm going
and if my father was intent on crushing this dream
like any other before it
i swear to you that i would tell him to
********.
off.
because i'll be the best hunter in the world
and i will follow those tracks on my heart to find
where i belong
because i know it's with you

i told you the other day
that my favorite artist
gave me the best advice i've ever received
"if your heart is broken, make art with the pieces"
and i plan on following it to the letter
i'll be the best poet in the world for you
and maybe i won't make a masterpiece
but to make something as beautiful to you
as you are to me
would be as close to perfection
as i could ever strive to create
i might never see that when i look in a mirror
but maybe when i look down
at a blank sheet of paper
i will see its potential
and scrawl something that makes you feel like
you don't need to understand what love is
because it's different for everyone

and the way i feel about you
might not be the same as the way you feel about me
maybe our hearts will never beat in sync
or maybe my heart doesn't have too many beats left
but i will listen to every drum line
and be the best conductor in the world
giving my heart the instruction it needs
to grow to crescendo
so that you can hear it shouting
the words it wishes my lips could form for you

just always understand
amid all the jealousy
the anger and the feeling
that i'll never be enough
i'll always know in my own heart
tracking, writing, drumming
that you will always be the one
and i know that for this to be so sure
like the existence of a god
to a holy man
unwavering in all its inconsistency
isn't something i'd planned on
or something you understand
or even really feel
even still i hope
one day
i can make you see
that what you feel
might just be love too





 
 
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