Today is a day when everyone around me is talking about love. Love... *sigh* even that word makes me want to cry.
I started today by writing to him all (or at least a good deal) of the things I wish I could tell him every day, the things I think he needs to know. I expect no response and I don't know if it will mean anything at all to him, but I hope that, somehow, it is good for him. Sure, I like to hear from him or even somehow just see his face, but my main goal was to give him something to let him know he's loved. I think it will be my little secret.
I'm not sure what to expect today... likely nothing. I gave Lyn some handmade bookmarks yesterday. He seemed to like them. I'm making a big dinner of one of my favorites tonight... and it's most likely he's just going to argue with me over what the real name is. He likes to do that.
Tomorrow might be better. My brother might come and take our old car. My mom might come watch the little one so Lyn and I can go out for a bit just the two of us. That's something nice we don't get to do too often.
I just don't want to cry anymore. I'm tired of crying. I keep going up and down - up when I'm feeling like I'm coping well and down when I realize I have no clue what I'm doing. Casey always liked to point out I was a creature of frequent ups and downs. I found it a bit offensive, but that doesn't mean he was wrong.
Let's just make it through today and let tomorrow worry about itself.