That HXC Gamer Chick
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The Case Of The Missing Hair Gel (A Parody-Like Story)
This is just a random story I made up that's supposed to be for shits and giggles only, lol. Please, don't flame. None of this should be taken seriously plus I am not a brilliant writer, nor I'm trying to be. I want this to make people laugh, but then again, I'm not that funny. .___. Regardless, enjoy!

“Dude, where the hell is my hair gel?!”

“Hey, that rhymed!” A young, teenage girl snickered to herself.

“Shut the ******** up, Ellie!” The feline pimp growled at the girl, “I need to look good for my girls!”

“You mean bad, right?” Ellie crossed her arms before digging back into her comic book, “There’s no way you could ever look close to good, Ranmoodo.”

The cat—err, well, Incubus swung his tail from left to right, his now-glowing hues glared daggers at Ellie, and he spoke through gritted, sharp teeth, “What. Was. Tha—“

“Hey, guys! Just to let you know, I call dibs on telling Alex if Ranmoodo kills Ellie!”

Light brown hues peered away from the words in the book at glance at the tyrant who spoke those utterly ridiculous words. “Be my guest.” The young man nonchalantly replied before his same hues returned its direction to the book.

“You’re no fun, Spence…” The tyrant pouted dully.

“Don’t plan to be.” The book closed firmly before the man got up from his seat to leave the room. “And don’t call me Spence!” He hollered out as he left, “It’s Dr. Reid!”

“Oh, excuse me, Dr. a*****e.” The tyrant rolled his eyes disrespectfully.

“Hey, Steve?” Ranmoodo redirected his glare at the tyrant, “Do you ******** mind?”

Steve responded by flipping off the Incubus.

“Mun!” Ranmoodo looked up and growled once more, “Can’t you quit that? I’m not really a goddamned Incub--” The door creaked before opening next to him. Guess who was entering the chaotic room?

Only Spencer Reid of course.

“Quit trying to speak highly of him, mun.” Steve raged with envy as he broke the forth wall in this story when he was directed not to! “I’m not ******** jealous!” Steve snarled angrily.

“Anyways…” Ranmoodo ignored Steve and mun’s dispute as he turned to Spencer, “Back so soon?”

“… Ellis was out there.”

“Ah. You're a brave man.” Ranmoodo laid a clawed-hand on Spencer’s shoulder in sincere, “How the hell are you still alive?”

“Oh, come on. Ellis isn’t that ******** back you assholes.” Ellie spoke defensively.

Spencer was close to tears, “H-he speaks more than me, man!”

“Dude, are you seriously about to ******** cry?” Steve asked; not impressed at all.

Spencer then held a piece of paper right in the older male’s face. “Contract says so.”

“What the ********?” Steve pushed the paper out of his face, “When the hell did yo—“Steve’s jealousy grew immensely. “Mun! Are you ******** serious?!” Steve roared out, “Stop that!” Stop that. “Quit copying me!” Quit copying me. “… I’m a ******** idiot.” Steve announced to his peers.

“Oh, okay. That’s cool of you, man.” Ranmoodo shrugged.

“Yeah,” Spencer chimed in, “I mean, I guess I wouldn’t have any idea on how that experience would be.”

“Ditto.” Ranmoodo chuckled playfully.

Spencer joined in his laughter soon after.

“I didn’t ******** mean it!” Steve waved his hands around in irritation and annoyance, “Mun’s ******** with me!”

Ranmoodo, Spencer, and Ellie seemed unimpressed at best.

“Steve, it’s okay.” Ranmoodo reassured smoothly, “It’s okay. The first step is admitting you have a problem. Am I right, Doc?”

Spencer nodded in agreement.

“******** you both.” Steve spat out at them in dismay.

“Woah, I didn’t know you were that into men, dude.” Ellie chuckled mischievously, “No wonder why Daddy never loved you.”

Ranmoodo and Spencer gave Ellie the Why The ******** Did You Say That? look before turning back to Steve; who was paler than an albino ghost. The sight caused Spencer to take a few cautious steps back and Ranmoodo to fly away to safety in a corner.

Steve stood for a minute before emitting a screech and mutating right in front of their eyes. The T-Veronica tyrant roared out and approached Ellie; who was just chilling on the couch not giving a ********. Eventually, she looked up from her comic book and raised a brow at Steve, “What? You’re going to kill me or—“

“You don’t know me!” Steve blurted out hastily, “You don’t ******** know me, man!” Steve was in tears right about now, “You don’t pour my cereal! You don’t know how much cereal I like!” He then ran off while leaving everyone completely dazed.

“Well then.” Spencer finally spoke out to cease the awkward silence, “Not the most emotionally-damaged person I’ve met, but he’s most definitely up there.”

“You mean other than yourself, right?” Ranmoodo wiggled his brows.

Spencer gave the cat-at-heart Incubus a death-glare, “******** you.”

“Very out of character of you, man.” Ellie teased playfully.

Ranmoodo gave the girl a quick hiss, “Hey! Don’t hit on my man, runt!”

Spencer and Ellie gave Ranmoodo a questioning look.

“… Not like that, ya hypocrites.” Ranmoodo regained his composer before snapping his fingers. In a moment’s notice, a hell-borne succubus appeared behind Spencer, who jumped. “I know about, Maeve, soooooo I’m going to hook you up with one of my freakish girls I have. Ain’t that right, Aria?” The succubus nodded.

“Look, Ranmoodo…” Spencer decided to not allow his emotions to control him for once, so he was going to attempt to talk the cat-incubus thing out, “I don’t need anybody, alright? I am very happy with what I have now--” He stopped cold in his speech once he felt Aria sliding a sneaky hand under his shirt to caress his chest.

Ellie watched in anticipation of some sexual action, because her hormones where acting up or something. I could never read her.

Anyway, to say that Spencer turned pale would be a sad understatement. He stood in place for a moment before pulling out his gun to shoot the demon in the eye. “That was for Maeve, you c**-guzzling b***h!”

Ranmoodo and Ellie stood and stared at are as the succubus fell down lifelessly into the ground; blood gushing out of her severely-injured eye socket.

“… Sorry.” Spencer forced a weak smile at them before holstering his gun, “I… had a relapsing moment…”

The two continued to stare at him.

Suddenly, Steve returned; barging into the room as he was smiling and skipping and s**t. “Hey guys!” Steve waved, “What’s happening—is that a dead hooker on the floor?”

Ranmoodo and Ellie gave a judging glare at Spencer.

“Yes, Steve.” Ranmoodo spoke through gritted teeth, “Spencer here killed one of my best girls…”

“She shouldn’t have touched me like that!” Spencer tried desperately to defend himself from their judging.

However, the three other muses continued to stare at him as they quietly judged them as Spencer had suspected with his genius mind and yada yada.

“Oh, come on!” Spencer sighed; annoyed.

Steve broke from the pack to stand next to Spencer. “Guys, give Spence a break—“

“It’s Dr. Reid!”

“Hey! I’m trying to ******** help you here!” Steve growled.

“Excuse me for not being so haughty!” Spencer retorted sharply.

Ellie and Ranmoodo shared a huge bucket of popcorn with extra butter as they placed their bets. In the end, the two bet on Steve to brutally murder and maybe rape the poor human.

Steve gave a clueless look at the younger male before shaking his head to keep on topic, “Oh, don’t even ******** try to use big, intelligent words against me from mun’s unused part of her brain!”

“What the hell are you accusing me for?!” The OOC was showing in Spencer; if it hasn’t already, “I cannot help that you’re so brusque!”

“What does that even ******** mean?!”

“Oh? You don’t know? You must not have a very good cognition, do you?!”

“Urgh! I’m ******** tired of you!” Steve lashed out to attack Spencer, but he was immediately stopped by the mun’s words in the story.

“Woah, FF trip, man…” Ranmoodo glanced around the room as if he was high as a ******** kite.

“What the ********?” Steve had no idea what the hell just happened.

“Spencer is mun’s new favorite, remember?” Ellie responded with an eye roll.

Ranmoodo began to pick at his teeth with a wing out of pure boredom.

Steve crossed his arms, “No the ******** he’s not—Ranmoodo quit it.”

“Yeah, man, that s**t is disgusting.” Ellie joined in with Steve.

“Word.” Spencer agreed.

Ranmoodo looked up at his b*****d siblings, “What the fu—?“ He couldn’t finish his sentence, for he was in awe at the sight of them.

Steve had his hoodie up with multiple golden chains around his neck. Spencer had grills that were golden with diamond studs with the word Gansta tatted on his forehead. As for Ellie, well, she had sunglasses on along with gold and diamond rings placed on each of her fingers.

“Yo, wazz sup, homie?” Steve pulled out a glock on Ranmoodo.

“Yo, G, youz gots sumthin ta say ta us?” Spencer then pulled out a golden Desert Eagle on Ranmoodo.

“Word up, n***a.” Ellie pulled out a golden steel pipe from her a**… Literally.

“… What the ********, guys?”

Spencer cleared his throat as he pulled out the contract again.

“We’re on a strict budget.” Steve sighed gloomy as he stared down shamefully at his feet.

Ranmoodo scoffed, “How the fu— Dude, this is just a ******** lame-a** story—“

“Um, excuse me, p***y-demon,” Ellie abruptly interrupted, “It’s a lame-a** parody story. Get it right.”

“What the ******** ever!” Ranmoodo shouted angrily at her.

“Dude, real talk?” Steve and them completely ignored Ranmoodo, ”Why haven’t we seen Ellis in this yet?”

“Mun don’t like that n***a. Duh.” Ellie replied as she pointed at a poster of Ellis on the wall with a huge, red x over it.

“Ah.” Steve nodded, “So… when does this s**t end?”

“I am very glad that you asked!” Spencer commented joyfully before he then went on a very long lecture on how they were never going to get out of this story and s**t while mun laughs at all of their misery combined. It feeds her ego and motivation to RP as them.

Anyways, getting off topic, let’s resume, shall we?

Ranmoodo finally spoke out during Spencer’s speech, “Um, how about we talk about tits instead?”

“You mean those things girls have that are like bags filled with milk?” Ellie asked curiously; obviously oblivious to the female anatomy.

The men looked at her like if she was some sort of a ******** idiot.

“… Women's breasts are not like that…” Spencer had to work up a s**t-load of courage to say that to a teenage girl.

“What the ******** would you know?” Ellie retorted; obviously offended over the fact that a guy would know more about boobs than her.

“Yeah, have to agree to her.” Ranmoodo raised a brow at Spencer, “Bet ya never saw tits before, have ya, nerd?”

Spencer ignored Ranmoodo as he focused his attention to the younger girl. “I would know, because unlike you, I’ve actually completed school to the end.” Spencer stated proudly.

Ellie mocked an applause, “Oh, gee, don’t bore me to death with your knowledge… Nerd.” She laughed at her own pathetic joke.

“... I got this.” Steve stated before taking a step towards Ellie, who gave him a dirty look. “What the ******** are yo—?“

“Run, little rabbit run.”

Ellie froze with fear before tackling Steve, who screamed like a little b***h. Spencer and Ranmoodo took a great step away from them.

Ellie pulled out a random-a** shiv before repeatedly stabbing Steve in the chest, “********! Off! David!”

“Ow! Ow! ********! Stop it!” Steve kicked the girl off, who went flying into Spencer’s arms. Ranmoodo growled as he pushed Ellie out before jumping into her place in Spencer’s arms. The genius gave him an Are You ******** Serious? look before dropping him down on the ground.

Steve was thankful that he took his medication for his combusting blood earlier; otherwise, Ellie would have at least third-degree burns all over her body. “Well, that was fun…” Steve got back up to his feet; everybody was shocked that he wasn’t dead since at least four of the stabs where directed to the area where his heart would’ve been.

“You know what else is fun…?” Ranmoodo levitated into the air as he summoned three more succubuses in the room, “Torturing people! I still need my ******** hair gel!”

“Oh s**t…” The other muses knew that s**t was going to get real.


To be continued.


:heart: Resident Evil :heart:
:heart: Left 4 Dead :heart:
:heart: Criminal Minds :heart:
:heart: The Last Of Us :heart:
:heart: Ib :heart:
:heart: Mortal Kombat :heart:
:heart: Saints Row :heart:
:heart: Mass Effect :heart: