It seems like every day is getting easier. I don't worry about being here so much, though that could be in big part because I know he has sworn to have no contact with me so there's nothing really to look for. Maybe it's because I'm pretty sure he's moved on now and probably doesn't even notice when I'm not here. I don't know, but it's getting easier to stay away.
I keep thinking "Maybe I'm actually moving on and letting go." but then I start to think about it and realize, even if I am a little, it still hurts. I still cry some here and there. I love him, but I guess I don't miss him quite as bad as I did. Maybe because I've realized I'm not really sure who he even is. It still sucks sometimes though.
I just feel rather.... numb. Maybe that's what's happening, I'm just shutting down because I have no other option if I want to survive. I've thrown out his things. That wasn't so bad, but I still can't delete the voicemail, even if I never listen to it. I'll have to soon.
He said he loves me and he always will. I want to believe that. So I will.