Community Member
To be completely honest, I was really afraid of dying. I've died many of times, though the fear never goes away. I believe that off a whim of the person I love, the person I loved. It saddens me, because never again will I be able to hold the one I love, at least not in this life. Will I see him again? Will he try and find me?
I can be reborn into a new life, with new memories, a new family. Will I have a happy life? A life filled with misery? Will my family be poor, or wealthy? What will happen to bring my death? So many questions I couldn't answer.
Then I can always go to heaven. I can hold onto my memories of the one I love. I can be selfish, and I want to be selfish. Although, at the same time I remember him, I remember his words of desire, his desire to be with me for eternity. What a fool, thinking that our story could go on as long as an eternity. Yet I wish for the same thing.

I am different from him, I have a choice.
I feel a tinge of guilt now, thinking about him more. He never leaves my mind, and I feel like I've gone insane thinking about him so much.
The more I ponder about it, the more I want to go back. Even if I don't remember him. I am his choice, and he knows my fate. Yet out of all the people he could fall in love with, he chooses me over and over without any question. I envy his ability to do so.
So why would I strip him away from his only true decision? Oh that's right, I'm selfish. I must have been in my last life too.
I was laughing now, looking forward towards the light. I remember now walking towards the light, my feet trudging slowly, being held back by guilt.
And I remember going to that light, and I remember now.

It was the worst decision of my life.