I had a strange dream last night, me and my bro were in like a diner or small restaurant, (god knows where) and some people were there and I dont remember what popped off, but I remember they had guns. JD decided to try and be a hero so i followed him to try and rush the guys. A small scuffle occurred in the parking lot between us and them and in the aftermath he got shot twice in the back, and died in my arms before I got taken by the men in the back of a work van to this strange dock or scrap yard or something. There was water and we were blowing up boats for some reason on a river. I was trying to find the right time to kill them or figure out what they were doing then try to turn them in. I dont remember the middle but I was back in this old house with the 'gang' and had somehow gained their trust but didnt know what was going on. I stepped outside for a cigarette and ran into Sam, JD's ex gf. (love of his life, they broke each others' hearts, I had fallen in love with her, myself while he was away in texas & california state. we all met each other in Virginia/North Carolina, she and I have since cut ties and havent talked in months, maybe a year, just because of all the drama caused by the 3 of us and her unrequited feelings for me, plus, shes hurt my best friend so much it just isn't right.) So, anywho, Sam was 7-8 months pregnant, and she hugged me when she saw me, and I remember feeling her ribs, she was almost anorexic crackhead skinny and the baby bump was so small. I remember her hair was almost blonde, like it used to naturally be, but Ive never even seen her with her natural hair, only a few old pictures of her when she was like 14 before we ever knew each other. So she came inside with me, and I never brought myself to tell her what happened to JD, and we spent the night on just a mattress for a bed on the top floor in the ratty old house, wherever the ******** we were, laying there talking bullshitting, like the old days. Then she went into labor and all hell broke loose I think she lost the baby I remember blood and waking up in tears.

this seriously was the first bad dream Ive had in ages, the last bad dream I had was just over 2 years ago, november 2010 when me and Sam lived in ohio together. God, she had blond hair in that dream too... I think I'm losing my grip on right, wrong and life...