Today went on by just every normal day where I sit in my room bored surfing the web then I just watched my computer screen bleeding my eyes out in pain to try to break even the pain in my heart that is a wave of yes and no a wave of happy and sad. I been doing well thinking about her but trying to keep wondering my house to find that bite of something to keep my mind perfectly in motion and in happy and yet not found it. Every morning my mind wonders continually where is she? Why is she not talking to me? How she is doing hope she is doing well? but I stop myself cause if I fall to hard I may not get back up so I think of all are phone calls and listen to her voice through my mind and replay all that I remember her I love you too's and I will be with you forever and her laughs. I now every night just watch porn just cause my depression makes my horny without thought I go to porn cause just so it easiest my depression so much and gets ride of it little of stress mostly and I don't care whoever reads this cause your siting in my mind right now listening to my thoughts and I just don't bloody care if you judge me for who I am or what I am cause I am human I am just like you but I'm getting off topic here. Every day seems to fade time just don't really got that meaning like it use to and the sun shines grey to me all the mornings and the moon I don't care about it no more just all I been waiting for and just lusting for is my love just that only thing is missing from my days where she called me all she could and we joked around and laughed and watched tv well I didn't I just you know listen through the phone and tried to make out what they were saying it was different and fun to do that with my love. It was a change from all my past relationship mostly pain came from those but this one "The One" relaxes me calms me holds me and feels me and sees how I am doing. In two more days well one its are 8th anniversary I think I will draw us together in anime from. Right now typing this was a frown a smile thought the writing. I will be back tomorrow for more just waiting for my wish to come true.
· Thu Jan 30, 2014 @ 04:57am · 0 Comments