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A place for random entries. Hopefully humourous, or interesting. Enjoy.
fall out
jongsoo invited himself over today. he knocked on my door at 11:30something or so.

he actually called my phone not long after i arrived back in korea. i didn't hear it. i was doing customs junk or something. i called him back since i thought maybe it was important. he said "i just missed your voice."..... ug.

that was when it was all "so i will probably be back in JP tuesday, do you want to have dinner if i come back?" and i'm like "fine whatever." but he didn't call. and i made plans with someone else (Libby & Mike). we met on time. he didn't call about dinner until 8pm. too dang late for dinner. actually, 7:30 is late for me for dinner... anyway i didn't hear my phone. no one did. and after dinner i was talking to libby.
she noted how J was liking everything i posted on fb, and commenting and stuff. she said that even tho mike was trying to keep J busy - J was seeming to be floundering.
i told her about his "i missed your voice" line.
he messaged me later, and i told him i wasn't home when he called, that i had gone for dinner and that it was bed time (for it was when i had eaten, and gone to libby's to get my rose plant back).

so he knocks on my door at 11:30 or 40 or abouts this morning.
"come in, i guess." was my answer.

we talked a bit. he hugged me once, and tried for a twice, but i had to push him off kind of.
the banking issue was brought up and he volunteered to go. i said i was going to ask nicole to help me, but she just left for vacation and won't be back for a bit. and the long weekend is a holiday, and then i go back to school. i can't get to the bank on school days. so i had to accept his offer.

i feel shitty accepting anything from him now.
before - i just felt indebted.
now - i feel like a user, and i worry he might think more of my accepting his help since we're broken up.

he needs to know the boundaries, and so i'm making them clear to him.
i had to point out to him that i don't hug everyone here, and when i do hug them, it's usually a goodbye hug. i had to point out that i have a 3 foot circle of personal space. then i had to spell out - "i have only hugged Kyle once in his 5 ish months of being here, and that was after a long night with him and other friends and we'd all had some drinks. i have never hugged robert, and he's been here the same amount of time. i might have hugged david once or twice. i have high fived him more than any other physical contact. so my hugging you as "just a friend" is a stretch."

his hearing this made him a bit pissy. i'm not about to bend. not any more. not to him. if i give him an inch, he'll take a mile and i know it.

but i feel shitty to have to act that strict and tough, when he helped me get my banking done.

we got a late lunch. and then he wanted coffee. i needed coffee so i could stay awake this long. i probably shouldn't have said yes to either.

he says he's fine. but i don't think he totally is.
he says he wants us to be "good friends" and i told him, "i don't know. it depends on your definition of close friends, and even for that - it is too soon."

he just can't understand there has to be a time of transition. and he can't accept there are changes to be made.

if i must be a b***h, then i'll be a magnificent one!!!!!!!!!
now i just have to keep telling myself that.






User Comments: [1] [add]
MemoriesOfGreen
Community Member
avatar
commentCommented on: Wed Jan 29, 2014 @ 06:29pm
Wow. So now he's desperate for your attention whereas he thought he had you in his pocket before. To be honest, you're allowed to be insensitive and bitchy when someone doesn't respect your boundaries. I swear it works. Then again, I can be insensitive and bitchy when I'm moody anyway. But I swear it's great for clingy people.


User Comments: [1] [add]
 
 
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