I have not felt this much hope in so long, and I have no idea what happened or how--!
Wait. I know exactly what happened. Oh my gosh.
Today at church, I prayed. I know, shocking. But I did. A lot. I prayed that I was sorry for not accepting the fact that someone could feel anything positive about me. I apologized for not believing God could really love me. I mean, I've always known that everything bad in my life was to prepare me for the good. It was all teaching me things. Helping me grow. I knew all of that without a shadow of a doubt. But lately... I don't know. The fact that I just couldn't accept how much God loved me has been a struggle for not only myself but my friends. Because hey, if I can't accept His love, how can I possibly accept anything from anyone else. Right?
So I prayed. I begged God to open my heart up. To look inside me, where the darkest, coldest parts of my soul held tight to the idea that I was worthless, and bring it all to light. To help me understand His love and the love others have for me.
And my gosh, He did it.
I cannot begin to express the joy I feel right now. I could almost kiss the sky. (Not turning that into a Lizzie McGuire reference. Nope. Not doing it.) He's given me hope. He's opened me up, just a little, so that I could experience the peace and love that awaits me when I'm finally able to do it on my own. Things this week that have plagued me no longer matter. Things that once seemed so horrible hold little value. It's not that I don't have problems anymore; it's that my reactions to said awful things have changed.
I can do this.
I will be okay.
Everything happens for a reason.
It will all work out in the end.
I just have to put my faith in Him.
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