Today was another uneventful day in history class. Mr. Pino looked at me and out of nowhere said "David, you look stoic. Is everything ok?", I almost wanted to reply "If I wasn't, then something would be wrong", but I just said "yeah" instead, because I can't deal with all the attention. "You know what stoic is, right?" he asked me, I knew exactly what it meant, emotionless. For some reason I said "No...", is it because I know that's the answer most everyone would have said? Was I trying to fit in? When I said no, everyone else laughed, as in agreement, I felt kind of good bringing laughter and smiles to those around me, even if it did make me look stupid... so I knew I did the right thing... right? It's funny, people will ask me questions but I won't know how to respond. Is being genuine really all that important?
I sat with Michelle and Arletty in art class as usual afterwards. Arletty suddenly said something about how I don't even look normal. She said I looked like "a fake profile picture" or "an avatar". I didn't understand. She said I was something called "unreal", comparing me to this other girl, Elizabeth, who looks like a barbie in pictures. I kinda see what she meant, Elizabeth is beautiful after all, but I'm not like that.
Is there ever a time when how you look doesn't affect how you're treated? I'm so tired of having conversation revolve around whether I look "stoic", or "unreal", or anything else. Sometimes I just don't want to deal with it all. Sometimes I just wish I had no face. I think that would suit me best.