I'm tired of trying to hide my pain."Misery love company" is true isn't it?
I try not to make people worry. I know people care. Sometimes, I just shut everything out. I can't help who I am. I can't help what I do. Stop trying to change me. I want to be ME. But I can't. Nothing can stop them now.
I have been bullied my whole life. Sometimes, my own parents don't even care. Pushed against lockers. Purposely tripped. Hit by paper.
The teachers never cared. Nobody ever cared. I was always alone.
I tried not to let anyone in, but someone did. His name was Nathan. He was my first crush. First boyfriend. First everything. He was my everything. I miss him. He protected me. He stood up for me. He was my light in this cold dark world. Then the car accident. He died. Now I am alone once again. I tried to get over it. I never could. He was the only one who stopped my from attempting suicide. He helped me stop cutting. Just when I thought everything was happy.
Now I'm cutting again. Still thinking of suicide sometimes, though not often. I know I have friends I can talk to. Who care. I feel terrible making them worry. I feel terrible shunning them out.
But I can't help it. I feel as though my light is gone. I am drifting through the darkness once more. Waiting. Waiting for someone to reach out their hand.
People have tried, but once I am about to grab their hand, something stops me. I can't move. I can't breathe. I don't know what's wrong with me.
I can't even tell the difference between reality and my nightmares.
· Tue Jan 14, 2014 @ 11:21pm · 0 Comments