My name is AnthonyW21, also known as Anthony. I'm 20, 6'2½, Medium hair, beard and mustache. All the hairy goodness. Anyways, this is just some information for you to get to know me.
I don't have too much memory of my childhood. I try to repress those memories, because it was hell for a kid. Just to put it simply, I lived in a poor family, with a terrible structure. And I will always hate my father, if you could call him that. He is the reason I've come to be what I am today.
Middle school was nothing but bullying, for 2 years. I wasn't allowed to protect myself unless it was self defense of physical damage, due to mom believing my larger size was dangerous to the rest of the kids if I tried. So I took a way out of forgetting it by doing things that are not forgivable, and left as scars. I hated everyone and everything at the time, didn't want to live anymore. I remember both kids names..Jared and Chris.I got kicked out of my school, and had to go to one for juveniles who were either arrested, or did something seriously bad.
After middle school was over, High school wasn't as bad. First year, I was a loner, who avoided everyone like the plague. People feared me much more after middle school, because I threatened to do something bad to the kids who tortured me for 2 years. After freshman year, things got better though. I started making friends, who actually cared about me. I slacked though, all through the years.
I graduated from High school with a decent score, averaged like a B- due to slacking off so much. Got a job a month after it was over, which I kept for 4-5 months. I finally got to go visit my now ex-girlfriend in Pennsylvania. Shortly after my return, I quit my job because of hour-cuts and moving, as well as being dumped. Finally decided I couldn't take the pressure of it all at once, and settled down. Looking for a job right now, possibly as a welder. Once I make enough money, a car is the first thing on my list.
I've been through a few relationships. In fact, more than I can count on 2 hands. Not one has ended very well, but of course, ending anything doesn't usually turn out well. I have some major trust issues, due to nearly every single one being ended by cheating. Those that weren't, were by arguing, or my being a bad boyfriend I guess. I didn't see it then, but I was also blinded by the fact that everything kept coming down all the time. Excuses aside, I'm single, and planning to stay that way for a while. I don't feel like I can be a part of a relationship while being happy at the same time anymore. I want to be, but I guess I'm not ready.
I hate being touched, simply because of the past when I was young. It bugs the hell out of me. Makes me feel like someone is trying to take control of me, or hurt me.
I love to listen to sad music, it gives me a bit of satisfaction to know there is a song to describe my feelings, and helps me to think about what I've done, or what has happened. To this day, I've realized plenty of things I've done in the past and didn't man up for those actions. I wish to make my amends, even if it ends up worse for me today. However, I'm no longer as depressing as I once was, because I realized that what I have now is all I need to be happy. And that I don't need anyone in a physical or loving relationship, to achieve that. I've become much more patient, as well as calm and collected in what I do.
I may not have much to say to you, but don't take it personally. That's the type of person I am. I'd rather say nothing, and not make things worse, than say something, and risk creating hell out of a conversation/situation. I prefer to stay silent and listen, to let a person vent their problems, because I know that everyone has a burden to get off of their chest.
Now you know a little bit more about me, even though it's all over the place. Sorry for that.
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