Okay, I promise I've calmed down and stopped thinking about the people I never befriended. I'll attempt to redo that list :/
Social-ness okay skipping the fact that I'm shy as s**t, my thoughts get jumbled when the breath leaves my lips. I mean I stutter and stumble over simple things because I'll get a thought and just as I'm about to say it it scrambles around and then I'm screwing up simple things so it makes me look stupid.
I have a strange theory thinking that if I dressed and attempted to look nice, it would be easier to talk to people. I think I got this theory when I attempted to dress and look better one day and a lot more people talked to me that day.
Like wearing a mask and finally being able to do something? Hee, that's the reason I want to go into make-ups... in my opinion I think make-up is similar to masks? Living as a different person.
A note on my social-ness, other than being shy and tripping on words/thoughts, I can't keep friends long. I mean I make a new friend and they immediately decide to befriend one of my other friends and then I'm left out again. I'm not good at trusting people too? I was 'betrayed' by my past friends who would bully me...
I think that should be all for social-ness, I'll add to it later if needed...........my thoughts are messy.
Sports/Physical Activity: I'm just terrible here, I mean I can't get motivated to do sports and when I can, the other people around me are just so good it makes me feel bad and like a failure. On the badminton team I'm the worst and the only way that I can get motivated to kill defeat the other opponent is if I self-inflict pain. I got a nasty bruise but I shook that ugly smug look off that b***h's face. F**k I hate her.
Music: maybe this should tie into art, but I thought of that art section more as drawing, painting and such. I mean I started music about 10 years ago and it was really bothersome because I hated it but kept at it (now I regret hating it back then, and I thank my parents for forcing me to practice) but, I'm not good and can't keep p with expectations in music, I know it's my fault and I just don't know...I'll try harder! I know it? Yeah I will, no question. I will finish another music grade in 6 months! YEAH! (I'm wavering....)
Creativity I would usually tie this with art but thought it would be okay to make it it's own section. So my mind is busy always flowing a fantasy and stories and images but when called upon, it's never there. It's absent and also I can't manage my thougths that well! Agh... also I take too long and think too much on simple things...
Ah, even right now! I Can't even describe it! Augh, I guess this is it for today as well, damn...
rogue blood angel
· Sat Jan 04, 2014 @ 10:49pm · 0 Comments