I'm just so sick and tired of it all...just so scared of this world.
well not really at the moment but just a while ago...my poor dad is just suffering too much and I wish I could do something. I know he's in pain and yet he still has a smile on his face. I know that he's trying to hide away, like I am at the moment. He just wants to hide this pain in him and just smile it away. This strong man.
And I'm just scared of losing everyone. Everyone one by one...going....going...then gone GONE forever. I feel like it's selfish for ME to be the one crying and going oh you b*****d for leaving me! Going off to heaven without me! Just leaving me here in pain oh how I hate you.
No...I won't be like that. I hate death and don't understand why the need of it. Why must us beings be so weak and not be strong enough to last forever. WHY can't anything last forever?
This silence scares me...this loneliness in me is scaring me...I need to go back to reading my yaois and to go back and smile at my lovely Kpop boys...they're the things that save me. Distract me.
My dad is not in terrible terrible terrible condition but I mean....I'm truly happy he's still here...that's not what I meant. Its just so hard to write. I love writing.
Anyway I mean I can't do anything for him and feel so helpless...I just keep thinking and thinking and get myself messed up as ********
This darkness....please someone save us all. I believe in God yet at the same time I don't really. I know he's there watching, but is he really there to help, help everyone in need. I'm again sounding selfish...I don't want Him to go out of his way to save people it's just...I DON'T KNOW
Anyway, writing always helps me forget. Like letter by letter its just...healing me
Soon I'll be off and be happy and live life to the fullest. Okay also I just try my hardest to ignore that there will be the END yet some people are just SOO casually ready for the end.
YES my dad is ready. He's just...oh my wife is no longer here with me, whats the point? I'm not truly happy...bladidadida
whatever...I just want to be my individual self and live my life...now..
So yeah I don't know why but I feel that I should make this public. I wish other's would put their journals public too...I'm sure not a lot will read, well maybe 100 read but absolutely no comments
I work mad hard on fanfics and get no love....please read me...https://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/22811
yeah I truly wish to ignore this pain...I can easily forget
FORGET FORGET FORGET NO WORRIES MY DEAR ONE...
· Sat Dec 28, 2013 @ 12:39pm · 0 Comments