Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

 
 

View User's Journal

Lea's Insanity
Inner Demon
"Remove yourself from the world. No one wants you. All the boys at school won’t look at you. All the pretty girls at school call you fat. What do you have? No one. And you’ll never have anyone. You always long for someone who’s so unattainable in every single way, and yet you still feel that love and only love is the one thing that’s capable of filling that empty void in your heart. Nobody cares about you. What’s wrong with you? That’s what your parents always seem to ask. ‘You’ve been acting strange lately’, ‘Why can’t you do better in school?’, ‘You need to loose some weight.’ Those words will burn into your soul, I will make you feel like you are stuck in an empty black hole of desperation with no way to get out and see any glimmer of light again.
You’re nothing to anyone. No one would care if you killed yourself. How do you expect to love you if you can’t even love yourself? You’re not skinny enough. You’re not talented enough. You’re not smart enough. You’re not pretty enough. You’re not enough.And you never will be. How does it feel? How does it feel to have a grenade exploding inside of you? How does it feel being too cowardly to end your life that holds no meaning to anyone?
If you throw up your food maybe those girls will let you sit with them at lunch. If you hurt yourself, those boys will start talking to you. If you starve yourself, people will notice you. You’ll look like one of those beautiful models in the magazines. Don’t you want that? Better to feel pain than nothing at all.
All of those movies taught you that someday, some man will come along and sweep you off of your feet, but no one will ever love you like that. No one will ever love you period. You need to pay more attention to your appearance. Do you think anyone will think you’re pretty with that body? Love will never find you under all of that fat. You will die alone, forgotten, unloved. That’s all you’ve ever been though.
Kill yourself. It would lift a burden off your parents’ shoulders. No one would care. Soul mates aren’t real, and if they are, you wouldn’t have one. Every guy who was ever going to face you in the future would be lucky if you died.
Nobody has ever called you pretty. No boy has ever made you feel beautiful. No girl has ever complimented you. You’re a useless waste of air. That’s all you’ll ever be. You’ll never amount to anything. Your dreams are a waste. Nothing you do will ever be enough to satisfy anyone; your teachers, parents, class mates. You’re not enough.
Can you blame them though? When was the last time you looked in the mirror and was actually pleased with how you look. You crave to be one of those skinny, beautiful girls that boys lust for, but you never will be. You’re ugly. It’s all you’ve ever been and it’s all you ever will be. So what if you’re crumbling on the inside? Do you feel like a range of mountains is collapsing with every word I speak? I want you to feel as if fire is being set in your heart and everything around you is crashing to the ground. I want you to feel alone.

But then again, you don’t need me to feel that.

Everyday you come up to your room and lay in that same bed, looking at that same blade and considering it. Some days you’ll stare at your scarf and wonder if your ceiling fan will support your disgusting weight. You cry every night because you feel so alone. You want someone with you; someone who loves you and will fight to the death for you. That person will never come. Don’t wish. Wishing only wounds the heart. Then again, I’m already doing that, right? I want to hurt you. I want to make you suffer for everything you’re not. For everything that you never will be.
I know how you sit alone at lunch at school. I know how you try and fail at everything you do. Your teachers think nothing of you, your classmates think nothing of you, your family thinks nothing of you, I think nothing of you.

Open your eyes and look around at the emptiness which is your life.

I know you. I am you.”





 
 
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get GCash
Offers
Get Items
More Items
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
Gaia's Games