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The Inner Workings of Onesself
Lots of randomness & meaningful stuff about moi, the one & only Kari-chan.
I really don't remember not pasting this from MSW
I don't know why i'd make a microsoft word file like a journal tracking my moods over a few days like my UT counselor told me back in 2011, but not put it on here as this is my journal/diary whatever you want to call it for doing just that! wth maybe I posted this on one of the other 2 profiles Kisa Lin or Velsper HE Reed? But I don't remember I really just can't remember anything yet I remember this I remember the pain caused to me, I can't seem to just forget this year existed, i don't want to remember these people's faces or names especially not this b***h Neisha she just got herself number one spot on 'that' list & that takes skills bc people from grade school have done some pretty ******** up s**t to me in the past so to take that cake from them of being number one!? Yeah just no c**t better hope I don't go bat s**t looney.
So yeah copying the file here where it should've been all along.........just for the life of me don't know why it wasn't. And it's not like I don't want to do creative writing I just can't anymore......, it's like my brain can't function creatively. I hit a major wall & don't know what to say/type even though I can clearly see & dream it so that's why it's been so long. I'm not eating very well so my brain doesn't have much energy to use creatively anyways.

I literally can feel my brain feeling better when I eat foods like fish indeed when I eat properly at all, but unfortunately as I've told you lovely readers about JBFS in my county of Ohio, I can't afford to even buy food bc they are a bunch of dumb ******** who claim I don't 'qualify' for help, so eating properly has just been out the window for me. I almost starved to death while pregnant with the little parasite sucking any nutrients off of me that it could & it seems several months after the procedure nothing has changed besides that there's obviously no parasite leeching my energy or money. Kudos to you wonderful welfare system that helps those making $50,000+ a year! smilies/icon_biggrin.gif

(Below is all from 2011 only posted to be archived forever as I can't always remember these things perfectly..well & entertain you if you wanted a few lolz at the irony)
3-17 wonderful, happy cause went walking on the trail & it was beautiful outside.

3-18 was okay but could’ve been better. Very frustrating after looking at apartments & finding the small wanna-be-college town a complete failure in welcoming students with prices they can actually afford. Aggravating later b.c people trying to force their opinions on others, being generally ‘ooo look at me I wanna be the center of attention as I have sex in public’ annoying & having the nerve to try to beg me for $ when I am the nastiest-yellow-dead-skunk-hard-itchy-fungus on the hardest to reach toe that no medicine seems to help at any other time. (The reason I bolded & upped the size here,...guess what stupid c**t I could possibly be talking about at that point?! Go on just take a complete jab in the dark of what little attention whore pretending to be 'different' from the rest of the crowd by trying uber hard to be this ultra loose '50 Shades of Grey I'm a vampire-werewolf have sex with me in public better yet on the stage at graduation slut'.... Guessed it? If not take a peek at the previous post. Yup THAT b***h. smilies/icon_rolleyes.gif )

3-19 felt lazy for sitting around falling asleep in the middle of the day & not taking the dog for a walk. Only got a little studying done while intermittently staring off into corners for no reason.

3-20 also a lazy day in which I only got a little of what could’ve been a lot done. Rain was cold & depressing food cooked was good & there was harmony.

3-21 feel good with relatively nice weather & getting homework done last minute before class. Apartment looked at was really nice compared to others just expensive initial wise. Sad b.c I fell asleep again midday & got nothing done again. Very happy about 1st day with FedEx. <- (this had to have come from Gaia bc MW shows a smiley face at the end & well of course there's no smiley faces in MW...then again it could've come from Facebook....)

3-22 weather sucked but saw a very cute wolf dog & work was cool. Resigned to have a plan for work to get done Fri-Sun & no later b.c got lucky FedEx is letting me have my weekends unless voluntary. Getting off at 12am & being back @ school by 8:30am Mon-Fri won’t leave room for unfinished homework

4-1/4-4 (now this I did post back in 2011 just not exactly word for word) very happy saw a friend in the morning I hadn’t seen in years & sometimes worry about every now & then. Getting rather annoyed people are doing exactly what I said they would do. Ignore me when I suggested I not be because I was truly bothered by some of their present &/or past behaviors toward me or things they had said, then when I ignore them they’d run me down asking why I’m being this way or that way or why I’m ignoring them or why they don’t see me more etc. etc. Now they’re in my face more & more & it’s annoying the s**t out of me I’m to the point where I just want them to continue ignoring me instead of pretending they care. 1 that I know only contacts someone who’s not contacting her regularly to be a nosy gossip whore but adamantly denies being a drama starter, had the nerve to ask me Thursday 3-31 if I’d like to hang out one of the weekdays for sushi with her and her sister after I already told her I no longer have free time weekdays due to my second job. I repeated myself & said sure we could on some weekend for a little while to keep peace, & b.c Sat & Sun are my only real chances to study & I have a bad habit of making 1-2 hour visits into all day affairs thus getting nothing done I need to do. This b*&$ then has the nerve to ask am I mad at her! Nothing I said had anything to do with being mad at anyone not even remotely close. I assume the world is supposed to revolve around her & all my decisions in life are supposed to accommodate her wants or I’m angry at her. She’s done similar things to other people before to gouge information out of them by not directly asking what she really wants to know, which I assume is why I deleted her off my Facebook page. I honestly think it’s the only reason she contacted me in the first place to try to find out why so she can have something to gossip about with her wanna be girlfriend & other friends who she can play the innocent victim to & make me the bad guy. I must say my insight to the future is pretty accurate. I wrote about this happening years ago when I first met all of these ‘friends’ from Central Catholic freshman year.

4-5 not good day especially coming to end (I honestly can't remember why that was weird)

4-6 still not good day tried to pull together for second job but just broke apart again after left it. Got back to rec center in the morning, but all motivation for anything in life is fading quickly. Getting depressed again.

4-7 still about the same

4-8 somehow worked up a little courage to feel better about my job suddenly. I went in not feeling depressed, but angry that they act like they can’t consider me to handle the small packages that are more reasonable for someone of my height & weight to deal with, but are angry I can’t reach the load amounts you’re supposed to have reached after only 3 weeks of training! In that small amount of time you can’t build up the upper body strength to lift some of those packages. On top of that I hear a tall well-built guy telling someone else he hates doing small packages! He could be doing what I do instead he’s much better built for it. I went very fast during most of my shift feeling I reached a higher limit than I had been doing but it wasn’t able to be recorded because I was moving around to different trailers so it looked like I didn’t hardly do anything which was completely unfair because I worked my a** off & sweated like a roasted pig. Besides work I’m getting more pissed about the friend thing bc now they don’t want to leave me alone & one keeps asking completely random stupid questions that I’ve already answered or don’t make any sense whatsoever then has the nerve to insinuate I’m angry at her when that was over a month ago when I gave them the chance to read the note on Facebook & they ignored me. I’m well over the angry stage now, I just don’t care, they don’t exist like I didn’t exist. She not only comes to campus but texts me while I’m in class with another stupid question & I ignore it bc of course you can’t pull a cell out in the middle of a lab where you’re working with corrosive acids & then I forgot in the midst of trying to get other stuff done. When I finally did see it I didn’t respond bc it was once again stupid as I’d already explained my Thursday schedule before & simple common sense & proper thought would’ve answered the question for her easily. My teacher was offering extra credit for going to the Japanese festival but he told us all the food was gone so I wasn’t planning on hanging around long plus I’m all about not wasting my time these days so I wasn’t going to waste it standing around a festival with nothing I wanted when I had homework to do. I see her or she saw me whatever & when she says hi & gives me a hug I respond in kind & continue about my business waiting for my teacher to see me so I could get my extra credit & leave. He does & I take a nap before work.

4-9 I was so proud of myself for sticking to my schedule most of the day. I got most of my assignments done before I fell asleep after eating breakfast & 1 the night before. I slacked off later when I spent a little more time than I meant at the library finding exercise videos & then at my mothers’ house. I went to the store spent more time than I meant there & by the time I got home it was dark. I started my movies later than I meant bc a interesting show was on Nat Geo so I got to bed late & woke up the next day late. The only down to my Sat. was another accusatory text that about made me explode with anger calling this b***h to cuss her out. I didn’t see it until much later bc I wasn’t with my phone all night I don’t live by my phone so I ignored her & went to bed.

4-10 As I said woke up rather tired probably won’t stick to the schedule today as I’m tired from last night. Still angry, but not falling into her little troll games. I know for a fact she’s stating these accusatory things & texting me stupid questions to gouge information out of me instead of directly asking me what she wants to know. It’s either that or she honestly, & stupidly, thinks my world revolves around her so when I don’t send her 50 texts in a week or hang around for hours talking about nothing important I’m angry at her or don’t want to be friends. It’s really pissing me the hell off bc had she just read the note way back in ******** February none of this would’ve happened & she wouldn’t need to ask me random stupid questions to find out why I’m not conversing with the people I used to converse with as often as I used to. I’m not the one who acted as if I didn’t want to be friends way before this they are so she can take her accusations & shove them.

Karimoon
Community Member
  • [08/09/14 06:18pm]
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