------I'm writing this because I can't sleep, I'm sleepy though very. So I may start dreaming and the dreams bleed into this book. The reason why I can't sleep is because a friend of mine, here on Gaia is visiting NYC for Christmas. She wants to meet up, and I want to too. I'm terrified of the idea quite frankly, I... I'm not really good with talking or people, even conversing. Its strange though if you place me up on a stage, where I can sing, or present to you a power-point presentation, I feel confident as ********. I feel invincible. I don't even know what we're gonna do, if we do decide to meet up. I'm so scared and excited at the same time that... that, I feel the world fading away into the darkness.
-------I am trapped into my conscious again, the sky is gray. Its raining non-stop, however its safe to look up in the sky because the rain drops go through you. I'm laying on a patch of colorless grass. I see a celestial body behind the dark clouds. A titanic moon who's gravity is so strong I feel as if I'm falling into it. Just like when you look down over the edge of a building, there's that heightened fear, the tingling in your legs as your mind perceives that you are falling. I clutch onto the ground that I lay on. I am alone in this world, and there is no one but my imaginations and creations. A fantasy world designed by me which I have no one to share with.
------I think about her. Perhaps I can take her to the Hayden Planetarium, see the Dark Universe, or maybe take a stroll in Central Park, even Times Square in the beautiful crowded night. Maybe she'd be willing to travel with me to the Bronx, my home borough and see the Bronx Zoo, or even the Botanical Garden. After that we can score some halal food, from this guy I know; that's if she likes those kinds of foods and places. Perhaps I should bring a guitar with me, to carry it around just so my confidence would build up. But that's not the thing that I'm terrified about. I'm afraid she won't accept my weird, nerdy and awkward self... I'm afraid, afraid of her thoughts and opinions on the writer behind this book.
I'm afraid that's I'm not what she expects and...
------I sit up off the grass, looked into the horizon towards the vast expanse of the moving mountains. I see the snowy peak of a mountain slowly melt as it crawls its way back to the ground. Its moving back into the ocean, to go home to see it's mother. I often think that maybe if I die in the real world, that I'd end up here. I want to live here but its lonely, the people who I meet here are based of ones I have met or seen out there. Sometimes I even meet different parts of myself, or perhaps even me from the pasts. I have fallen in love with an illusion once. I fell in love of a character who is the epitome of all of my desires and all I ever want in myself. Too bad, in here no one is real. I wish I was real.
------Maybe down below you can comment upon dreams, prominent ones. Maybe you can even talk about reoccurring characters in them whether they're real or not, like my Imaginary Lover. You can also talk about experiences of meeting new people, possibly friends here on Gaia, whether it be across the internet like Skype, or perhaps even the reality of touch. I'll comment back to your comment with a pm. It's a new thing I want to try because the commenting system here on Gaia-Journals is ancient as ********. I've been thinking of writing a Romance Novel called Until Next Time, about my Imaginary Lover and I, so I might not write here on my journal as much.
Thanks for reading though, This is Anikacy signing out!
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