Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

 
 

View User's Journal

User Image - Blocked by "Display Image" Settings. click to show.
The Looking Forward Campaign: Looking Back
------Its been a while since I talked about my Campaign to start over, but I think everything is going good. Though the ghost of the pasts are still clinging to my back and wrists telling me to not forget them. I made really good friends here as of late, sometimes I see parallelisms of back then. Its weird really, its like I'm living another life. But then again, I have been reborn so many times that death through disappearance is a common thing for me. It is an inescapable fate of how my life here on Gaia is dictated. It is like a Ragnarok, where one lifetime ends and from its ashes begin a new. I have donned many names through out: Shen, Ayane, Jen, Steel, Eve, and latest to its collection: Ani or Anik.

------Except unlike being reborn again, I have memories of these past lives, thanks to you my loyal friend. My journal, the book of infinite memories, without you, I will never learn from past mistakes. I will never see these patterns and cycles, and I would never learned to avoid them. Thinking of it this way is wrong because even though my physical body is in the present, my heart is lost somewhere in the past. I've been thinking of jumping back in time, back towards the ghosts that are chained to me. But I can't do it alone. I'm afraid that if I do go back, I would have to leave this present self behind. I'm currently reflecting upon this because one of my friends that I have made here, was going to quit and disappear as well. I told her:

------1) "I hope you don't end up like me ... I left and came back, everyone who I knew and loved were gone."

------2) "If you do decide to come back, then pray that we'll still be here waiting. Other wise you will walk into roads of memories, regret and pain."

------And I successfully convinced her not to leave, so I'm proud of that. It's that same feeling of saving a dying relationship between your friends. Besides I don't want anyone to lose anyone anymore, which is why I didn't want her to leave in the first place. Kinda ironic because my hands still shake at the thought of placing a gun at my mouth.

------I also talk about the ghosts because I've discovered that he still goes here. A figure from my past, well a very prominent figure. Which the ropes of regret still ties me into knots. I want to run back to him, because... to apologize. But by doing so, I might die and the cycle of rebirth may occur again. In which this cycle's current friends coalesces itself with the ghosts of past. It is a gamble, but I'm not sure if I'm willing to risk it. So I've been consulting them, on how to approach the problem. Hopefully solutions will come up.

------Sorry, about the metaphors, sorry about the morbid and ambiguous style of writing. I don't really have a question for you to comment, I've been slacking on it. Hopefully I'll get some in more entries, except the entries that are written in like a story.

Thanks for reading, This is Anikacy, Signing out!

Also: Thank you for all the support with my looking forward campaign.





 
 
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get Items
Get Gaia Cash
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
Gaia's Games