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Lobsturkey ********
Just When I'm Ready To Walk Away...

So... There's been a lot on my mind lately...
I really want to find a good roleplay o get into...
But I just don't have the time,it seems, I dunno.

I've been thinking about life, and things.
Work is stressful.
Home is stressful.
Life is stressful.

There's this one guy at work, who looks nice, and he's about my age... I want to be friends with him... But I'm just so socially awkward. I can't even think of how to start a conversation with him.
Not that I even get close enough to him to talk to him.
I think the last time I talked to him, he told me we were out of something.
I just apologized and told him I would get more.
:/

I talked to my ex yesterday.
His poor puppy died.
I feel so bad.
But I can't do anything to console him.
Besides... he has a girlfriend now anyways.
And I have a boyfriend.
The funny thing is, I was just thinking that I was finally ready to let him go and move on...
But then he talks to me.
And all I want to do is cry.
I didn't realize how lonely I've been.
To be in a relationship, and to be lonely. That'skinda messed up.
But when we started talking...
There was no awkwardness.
It's like we just picked back up right where we left off, as friends.
Talking everyday...

I miss that.
I'm so lonely.

Oh god, this has turned into an emo post.

Good thing nobody reads these.

Ugh.
I just wish I was happier.
But I can't be happy until I loose a whole bunch of weight.
Then I can be happy.
I can chase my kid around. (she's not even walking or crawling yet.)
I can be attractive and have more confidence.
I can get me back.

I just don't feel good anymore.
I have constant stress.
I think I need medications.
Because whenever I'm trapped, I just flip out, and start hyperventilating,
it's not pretty.

But doing a journal like this...
Feels good, bro.
I have a place to let it all out still.
That's good.

Only this time there's no one to read it.
I dunno if that's good or not.
Not that I'll ever be suicidal..............................
..................................................
..........................
.........
But.
I guess it just has to be an attention thing.

:/
-sigh-



...You Say My Name And Here I Stay.

Vanyaphaerelle
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