Ekune
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DSD - Chapter 1.

Once I was swimming to the middle of the ocean because ya'know, that's what all real men do in their spare time. Once I got there, I saw the most amazing thing. I saw a cat swim by me and behind it, was a bear in a motor boat with a rifle, shooting at the cat. I had to save this cat not because I wanted to be some type of hero to the cat or anything, more like it was the right to do. The moment the boat passed by me, I grabbed on to the side of the boat and got on, the bear had a good shot now that the waves of the ocean had calmed down and it wasn't swaying as much, he had not noticed I was on the boat, as he was too distracted at trying to kill the cat. I sneaked up on him slowly but I noticed I didn't time to be going slow, the bear pulled the trigger on his rifle, I quickly moved in the way of the bullet and got hit in the chest. I screamed out, " you shot me in the chest son, I think you hit my NIPPPLEEE SON. MY NIPPPPLEEE", The bear was confused, he was like "The fudge son"; I had been trained in the army so I knew how to handle this situation in a calm and fashionable matter, I used my own blood and threw it at him, some of my blood hit his eyes, while he was blinded, I grabbed a dirty tuna fish which was laying on the floor and hit him across the face, but this wasn't enough son, It's a bear. So I looked up to the heavens and said "What the hell is wrong with you? son, God you got a sick sense of humor, you think this is funny? MAKING ME FIGHT BEARS AND SHET?."The bear roared, I looked at him, "son don't you see me complaining to god?" and I grabbed the bear by the throat and hitting a pressure point, disabling his body for a second, using his center of gravity, I flipped him over the boat using Jujitsu. Right after, I had a stroke, The cat who had passed me earlier, saw my bravery, and that kindled a fire in his heart and he became super cat, flew towards me and picked me up took me to a hospital, and I lived to see another day.