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Sometimes I just write to get out what I am feeling
12/5/2013 11:12 AM

What the ******** did I do? -sigh- I try to do the right things...I really do. I never ever wanted to hurt anyone, or upset anyone, or mess anything up at all. Never. I am a nice guy. I'm understanding, I'm gentle, I'm open-minded, I'm loving. I only want to help and make people happy. So why the hell do I never accomplish that? I had everything in the world- I had it all. I loved it. I took it all for granted. I am sorry. I'm human. I make mistakes. It doesn't mean that I don't care about it. I did, and I still do. I was blinded by contentment. When you really think about it, it's not such a bad thing. It means I had everything I wanted; I was happy. I WAS grateful, actually. I just never showed it directly often. I didn't even know that was something I should have done. I mean, I thought that it was a given that if I want to share my life with you, and I flew across the entire US and the Pacific Ocean...twice, even though I was scared shitless, that I was grateful for what I had. I was so excited to get our life started. I'm sorry I didn't start it up as fast as you wanted. I want to blame it on work, but I just wasn't fast enough for you. Now that I'm ready you're gone. Left me in the dust. I want to go to restaurants, the beach, on drives, picnics, go dancing, just...adventures with someone beautiful on the inside, like you...only you. I just want to be happy. Can I please get some happiness in my life? Really, does this man not deserve anything after a few mistakes? I get it. I ******** up. I made more than just simple mistakes. Maybe I don't deserve a beautiful relationship, but how about a friend? Someone who can just talk to me and laugh with me. Come on, life. What the ********? How are you going to ******** me like this? You know I'm ******** sensitive and sentimental, and you bring this beautiful woman into my life who cares about me, she needed me, she loved me, she did so goddamn much for me....now you want to take her away from me? ******** you. Give her back. What we had was beautiful. I will never find that with another person. Just give her the ******** back...

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