------Looking back, the person who I wanted to be closest too never felt the same. And the people who cared the most for me, were the ones that I threw away. Damn that's ******** up. I was trapped in this shell of lies that I created and fed to you and you bought it. I;m sorry that you had to find out, If you're reading this "Zahyne" then, I'm really really sorry. I was really confused at the time about my identity, sexuality and personality. In truth, I still am.
------I'm sorry for all the lies and bullshit that you had to suffer. I never deserved to have you as a friend. I have no idea how to repay you back. Some times I wish I could just kill myself and release me from this stress. I can't because I'm bound to this book. That's why I came back after all these times. I find myself still chained to the past and to the lies that I perhaps even cherish. I would have loved to be with her too. But even if faced with reality of existence, I'm pretty sure that she wouldn't love me, but you.
------I want to thank you, for being the greatest friend, or perhaps lover that I would have ever dreamed to have. Thanks for putting up with my bullshit for years. But if you never knew, I really liked Susie, even though we both know she never felt the same. That's why I got jealous of Zack, and tried to be with Jessie. A part of me really felt, I guess "strongly" about you. You we're patient, despite the fact that I'd flicker and disappear through time, between months. I really really liked that about you. Even though you're gone now as it has been years, I still hope you're waiting for me, my Digital Knight. Perhaps one day, I can have enough strength to talk to you. Yet, I'm afraid because I don't know what will happen. I don't know how we'll end up, now the truth is out. Now that I believe I'm strong enough to face judgement.
Perhaps next time "Zahyne", perhaps next time. This is Anikacy, signing out!
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