Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

11/22/2013 12:28 AM

Over 50 nights and the tears are still coming. Whoever told me that this would fade was wrong. "It happens to everyone." "You have to move on." Who the fuuck are you? No one is me, except for me. I will not lie to myself every day. I am hurt and it hurts more and more all the fuucking time. 50 days? 50 months? 50 years!? I cannot even speak certain words without breaking down. About to slap the shiit out of the next person who tells me something stupid. Am I the only one who wants to stand their ground and fight for what they truly care about? Try and run, try and hide, lie, fake it, cover it up. That shiit is not my style. I refuse. I am new, I am strong. I am going to meet everything head on. So get the fuuck out of my way if you are about anything else. I hurt and it is just who I am now. I have regrets, a ton of them, and I will not pretend that I do not have them. Not for a second. Regret is what constantly reminds me that I will never be who I used to be again. Never said goodbye. I have a reason to keep going. Tired of feeling like I should give up. Tired of people telling me there are more fish in the sea. I don't even like fish! Fuuck you!