I remember reading in my French textbook about how the French are more concerned about having really close relationships with people, rather than just simply knowing someone casually. In France, people typically just have two to three friends they cherish and keep in close contact with, whereas Americans tend to know tons of people and claim someone as their friend, but barely ever talk to them let alone spend quality time with them.
I can see what they mean. I have at least a handful of friends, maybe more, but I'm only intimate/close with two maybe three honestly. We form groups of people that we love to congregate with but eventually we end up going our different ways. My groups always dissolve right in front of me, and typically yeah it's sad but for the most part it's expected.
There's no honest reason to want to surround yourself with so many people that you have half heartfelt connections with. Its a little sad how close I was with Kait and how she just basically dropped me as a friend, for a reason I still don't know today, but that's fine because it just goes to show how little our friendship meant - to either of us. Then there's Lisa and Brittney, both whom I've hurt and reconciled with, but both who have new exciting lives now with no time for me. But that's fine, I suppose. Who am I to butt into their new lives, their new friends? I'm no one. I can say those people are probably taking better care of them than I ever did, I let them leave, I let that space engulf us. There's no real reason to butt in and try to be someone now, I'll just gladly be that half hearted acquaintance. Because I know I won't try harder than that.
Internet relationships are so hard to keep in contact with and keep close. Considering you need to do this or that in real life and hardly have time to have an actual conversation with them.
School is so important that you have to devote practically all your time to it, and who am I to say "Stop doing school and give me time"? I can't that's not fair or right, and since we don't live near each other I don't get that quality time. Its not just my fault or all his fault. Perhaps it's foolish of us to keep this up, since I have to make time for school and work and he devotes all his time to school. Its not fair of me to cut into his study/homework time. I want him to do good,I want him to make something of himself.
Sometimes I feel like I'm an obstacle invading his path to greater good. I'm only human. I want affection and I want time. I want to be selfish and have him all to myself. Its just not right though, to act like that but I can't be a machine and not feel.
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