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Sometimes I just write to get out what I am feeling
11/11/2013 7:24 AM

My eyes slowly open. It is cold and dark, and I am clutching a pillow tightly to my chest. Memories of my dream dancing in my mind. I am in a small, dimly lit room. I recognize it too well. It is the living room of the home we shared for a short while. I look around and there She is, asleep on the pull-out bed. She looks so peaceful. Her snoring tells me She is deep in slumber. I turn out the lights and climb into bed with Her. I pull the sheet over us and I snuggle up close against Her. She is so warm and soft. I reach my arm around and hold Her waist. In this moment I feel as if everything I need in life is mine. She is everything and together we are our own family. The feeling is indescribable. The dream jumps and it is morning. She is awake cooking in Her underwear. I walk up to Her and wrap my arms around Her from behind. She smiles and leans against me. I squeeze Her tight and just hold Her for a while. She reminds me that we are to babysit a young boy today. I tell Her that I had not forgotten. I kiss Her cheek and I go to get dressed. The mother arrives shortly with the boy. He is young, about 3 years old. Suddenly we are outside together. The boy is running around in the yard playing. She comes up to me and takes my hand in Hers. She tells me that the boy looks to be having a lot of fun. I agree and I watch him run around with so much energy. The boy comes up to us and asks us to push him on the swing in the yard. We help him onto the swing and begin to push him. I stand on one side and She stands on the other. We take turns pushing him back and forth. I look to Her and smile. She looks amazing. I feel like I should tell Her how amazing she is, but I cannot find the words. The dream begins fading. I can feel myself stirring. I open my eyes briefly and the dream is there waiting in my mind. I try desperately to return to it. I close my eyes tight and attempt to remember as much as possible. It is futile. The icy cold air has a tight grip on me and it will not allow me to return to the warmth of the dream. I keep my eyes closed and lie still, holding the pillow tight. Tears fall down my cheeks and into my ears. I have lost my family. A small family, but it was mine. I cherished living with Her. I fought so long and hard to be with her. I will always long for that life. I would take everything it was back in a heartbeat. The warm, cozy nights in each others arms, the walks together in the sun, even the arguing over silly things like cooking and the air condition. I want it all back...I want Her in my life again.





 
 
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