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Day 117: Family?
Everyone in the Italian program at school got these great sweaters. I got a size small, yet it still fits me quite big. In seventh period, Spanish VI, our teacher, Mr. Alvarez saw me wearing it and kinda made fun of me in a silly way. He spent the class talking about the different genres of medieval spaniard poetry.

He went over this genre called "El Romance", an in-between genre of "Lirica" and "Epica". We read two examples, both had parts about how the eyes of girls enchanted men, Mr Alvarez told our class "Los ojos de las mujeres son bien dulces, mientras que los de hombre, pues, son mas varonil", he was explaining a part it that dealt with the sweetness and lure of a woman's eyes, and how men lack that. Is that why people say my gaze is cold? Because I'm male? I'm not sure if it's that simple.

In Italian class, we watched this movie that was intended for children, to teach them about families. For homework, I'm suppose to write an essay in italian about what makes up a family in our modern-day society... but... exactly that, what is it that makes up a family? My mother is never around the house so I'm left alone most of the time, and I never see my own father or any other relatives. Well, family is suppose to stay together, right? So then, my friends, are they my family? What is even the point of one? To teach you values and beliefs? Well that's depressing, I'm not even sure I have a real family. Really though, in this day and age, who hasn't grown up neglected or abused in some way? I'm not really sure about everyone else, but growing up, that was just an ordinary part of life that I learned to deal with, and it never even seemed difficult, it was just there.

I wonder. Is this why I'm the way I am now? I wish there was some way to go back in time and change the past. I'd rather be so different than the way I am now, apathetic and easily confused by emotions. If only I could have changed everything, then.

Where would I have begun and where would I have gone? I suppose some questions are just better left unanswered... in the end, it's all the same anyway.


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