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do you think it would have been the same. do you think we could have worked if you actually gave me a chance. if we went out on dates, hand fun did things together. but this is also my fault too. keeping my distance because i knew how you where. i am just as much to blame. if we tired a bit more we would have made it. i tried being all the needs you needed a friend, a lover, a parent, a guide, a gardian, this were all my mistakes. i am not perfect. i am now suffering. the happier you become the more suffering i must endure. this is hte way of me viewing the world right now. is that right now. but right now i need to blame something. and nathan is not to blame. yeah he made mistakes. i probably assumed alot but its not my place to know or not to know. its his life. its his story i am simply a character passing by the future is unknown. i keep saying alot to people but in the end its just words and what i want. but because i want it dont mean its acutally gonna play out like that. this is a constaint battle. one that i will probably not win. see there i go again. i am trying to blame nathan on this all. calling him the problem. he is hte temptation in my life. a life of sin. with out him here i could possilby not want ot be with men but who knows.

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