Wonders Carl five days before his orgo exam.
What do people want? Am I actually a good friend?
The thing is, people don't say directly. They either are happy or politely disappointed.
I want to be a good friend.
The thing is, in movies, friendship is easy (in movies, everything is easy). You just love someone and they love you back and they have your back and you talk and laugh and you get along.
But in real life, friendship is complicated. You talk and sometimes hurt each other accidentally, sometimes the jokes aren't funny but you laugh anyway, you make mistakes, you forget each other when you are too far apart for too long, things go wrong. The rules are different. You don't stay friends no matter what because that's creepy and unrealistic. You can't be with all your friends all the time, even at the same party, and sometimes conversation gets boring,
and underneath it all is the fact that you don't even know if you love them. Like if you had to pick between them or you to die in a pit of jello, you'd pick them to die, of course, and you can live just fine without them--they are the same as 99.999999999999% of the population.
Just relationships with people in general. How do you love a person? I don't know anyone I'd die for. Maybe I am just thinking in idealistic extremes, as usual.
I don't know anyone I couldn't live without. The closest is my cousin; I guess I'd really miss her because she's so sweet and I know she actually loves me. This feeling is alienating, but do we all feel alienated? I don't think so...but a good many do.
Erikson: Intimacy vs. Isolation
I enjoy procrastinating before exams. Stress very. Okay bye.