my friend asked, Well, what would make you feel better?
Honestly
and i just had to let most of it out.. lol.. so here it goes. friends comments will be in parethesis
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
this whole entire situation, feeling very repacable, like a tool in a garage, and it doesnt help im watching a video of someone saying the exact same thing, of how they will just be replacedno regrets, no remorse, no hesitation,and..i cant ******** do this anymore >~<
(((Were you this bad before Brenna?)))
(((Or was it worse .-.)))
what do you mean this bad
was what worse
(((Like, the whole 'wreck' scenario .-.)))
idk,at times i got pretty upset but there was always hope or something
im literally at the end of my rope about this lol
ironic to put lol when none of its really funny,
(((There will always be hope, regardless of the situation. You just don't see it)))
hope in what
what am i looking forward to..?
(((Oh I don't know)))
((((A FUTURE))))
well, me either..
with what in it, based on what, with what happiness or motivation >~>
if i get like this almost every ******** night, even with friends and help and s**t going on
imagine how i am on my own, with a half a** job,how ******** long will i last?
i dont know s**t about credit cards, debit, ********.. social security, how to get s**t for a car,bills, registration
(((Dude, have you even tried looking for a job yet?)))
yeah,and they want stuff i just
CANT
********
do
(((You won't go anywhere If you don't start .-.)))
everyone has such, HIGH ******** expecations for the most, pathetically easy half a** jobs
(((>.> calm down there mighty man)))
and people without all the requirements, wont even be acknowledged
why calm down.. this is the real ******** world here..
this isnt even half the s**t im going to have to worry about and manage later on
(((The real world isn't about living in the past yo)))
its not,
(((You gots to get motivated)))
im talking about what the ******** am i going to ******** do
how many times have i said ive ******** tried..
and look wheres its gotten me
im working on it
im trying
im failing,and
it sucks
it hurts
i get nothing,
im getting nowhere...
and it just hurts..okay?
(((Man)))
(((Who knew just one person could cause you all dis pain)))
(((Hm)))
>~<
(((Well, what would make you feel better?)))
Honestly
a million dollars,
a time machine,
some.. ********.. i dont even know..
dying, isnt much of an answer is it
(((Hskabssj)))
(((That's not what I meant)))
(((I mean realistically)))
thats just it, lol.i dont even know,
you want me to just say whats obvious but wont happen or something? lol,
(((Just curious .-.)))
i just want it all to go back to te way it was..
back when i was home or something..
or..
when i was more than ready to try out college, as an MA, i wanted to go far, you know?
i was ready to try, i had one hell of a reason to achieve and succeed,
what did i do that made her ******** hate me so much anyway?
does she even stop to think of anything nice i ever did, when she was always ranting about the bad?
what the hell does he say to her..?
is he really that special, even thousands of miles away, do i really have no chance anymore, am i just washed up and used up?
was i really that bad..?
if i failed that miserably.. then why the hell should i bother anymore, if im this big of a ******** up if someone day after day can talk s**t to me and always say he is smarter, stronger, faster, better, quicker, better in just about every ******** way
and its hard enough for him to do things,
what ******** hope is there for me?
if im not that good at anything and there is always thousands, millions of people better than me at what ever the hell it is i do, wether its, elsword, call of duty, playing basketball, running, thinking, MATH, school, paper work, reading, running, thinking on their feet, healthier, better teeth, bigger muscles, being a better person for brenna even
if im this big of a mediocre at... well ******** everything,and im always ******** crying
what the ******** then...
if i needed your help just to get her back in may or something, what the hell do i do now, and thats even before all these other guys.
emilio, alejandro, you, nick,
im very competative.. i hate losing lol..but losing in a game, is just.. so much different than losing a family against some fat a**..
losing someone who changed everything in your life for the better...
to, an internet, omegle guy,
and it just being rubbed in your face one way or another, my family doesnt make contact with me even..
ive never been happier ive never been happier, STUART I HOPE YOU READ THIS IVE NEVER ******** BEEN HAPPIER"
is there seriously any reason for kicking a man while he's down?
does it make you feel better for it?
do you feel powerful, in control, like you achieved something without your training wheels,
well ******** lations...??
im so very glad for you? now let me just sit here and TRY to look happy and over it while im debating wether or not i want to die today or not,lol i went for a walk one time thinking of suicide and i heard two people getting it on in the woods.
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