.k.i.t.s.i.e.
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I've made limited progress on lucid dreaming. This book I've been reading, as well as Ben, keep saying stuff like, "just think about what you want to dream about before you go to sleep at night." It's just never worked for me and it's frustrating.

The few limited lucidity I've had was changing two dreams, one I opened a door from a dark bad dream to find Ben's bedroom because I was scared and I wanted to hold him. Another was I asked someone a question and realized I was talking to a figment of my imagination (after a minute I lost control and had a false awakening). And then lastly, yesterday morning I had to tell myself to wake up and when I opened my eyes moments later it was 5 minutes before my alarm was supposed to go off.

I'm hoping to get good enough so I can start recreating old dreams. I want nothing more than to go back and revisit worlds... revisit some of the people that only exist in my head. Hell, I want to use lucid dreams to get inspiration to write again. The last large chunk of writing was some bullshit fanfiction that gave me a spurt of 7 pages. But that was back in the spring and it's been a while. I'm too critical of my own mind. my own creative processes; when I go back and reread what I wrote I can only imagine how terrible people will think it is and I get too self-conscious to continue. Even when I am only writing for myself, it's a curse.

I'm hoping that with this major cleaning/organizing I did in my room it helped my brain out a bit. I couldn't see my own floor for months because I had no where to put things and I just didn't care. Maybe cleaning out the negative did something psychologically as well.