welp, its this accounts 400th day of being online.. that means that it was just under 400 days when me and Ruko started dating.. I remember I made this account because I really liked her, and she got me into Utauloid.. my first account is actually like 600+ days old, but I stopped using it when I made this one.. I'm going to try to make a post every day on here, even if its all I do because I've been told I need to start doing journals. I don't mind if its public, because I doubt anyone will read it. Ruko was the only one I ever talked to on here, though I think I might try talking to other people.. people just scare me.
I'm still waiting for a notofication or a message or any hint that Ruko had tried to contact me.. It wont let me message her but I guess it was a lucky fluke that she didn't change her journal privicy.. heh.. I remember when I took off the Yokune from my username and she did the same.. I thought It was so sweet and cute >w<.
I guess I should try to say other things then just talking about how much I miss her.. but its just been the main thing on my mind for so long.. I've been alone with out her.. my family is terrible, my sister abuses me and throws my stuff around, my mother just lets her, but my mum is also the only one even making a little effort to be nice to me, but is still mean mostly. my dad yells at me for everything and It seems like I am a failure in his eyes, and If he knew more about me, he would probably kick me from the family or something. I don't have friends at school, But I am talking to people a little more.. a freshmen asked me out and I turned her down, she is nice but I just won't do that... even if ruko has forgotten I wont do it. school has stopped being to bad, but now its those one or to people that are an a** to me, but I don't feel to bad about it since they are an a** to everyone, that has been confirmed. to scared to get to close to anyone because I know i'd never be accepted-
Wait, why am i saying this now. All I do all day when I don't have school is curl in a ball on my bed and weep. just being sad. I'm going to finish the application for a job that I know ill probably get once I do all the paperwork and junk. need to save up to go to England.
Wehhh glad I caught my self, well I guess this is my journal for today, kinda long but its the 400th day! (like 20 months total, but no matter)
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