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When my bottled feelings want to explode
I write them out to calm down...so these are thoughts running through my head
13 October 2013
I didn't read my last entry so I don't exactly know where I left off but I guess if something comes up, I guess I am still bitter about it.

I hate how I have just been in and out of phases of sad. I mean, I know it is normal, but when I get sad, I get sad for awhile =/ It isn't the greatest feeling because it feels like I should just try to ignore it because if I think about how I am feeling, I just get sad, does that make sense?

Also,I have really been into Lights' acoustic album, especially Suspension and Peace Sign. It is such a calm album, I have been listening to it when I can for the past week or so.

Well, Friday was interesting. In the morning, during class, I was contacted by the Florida Department of Transportation and I didn't pick up because I was in class and it was an unknown number, they didn't leave a voice message either. Well, a couple hours later, they called again, and I had my computer open so I googled the number ad FDOT came up so I answered, interview this week. =) After I hung up, the voice message finally showed up and it was interesting because I was like... good thing I looked it up xD Though I need to remember I need to change my voice message because I don't say my full name so that seems to mess with some people.

So it is October 13, Kai and I's two years of being together was 2 weeks ago and we haven't really done anything for it. The weekend of, we were going to go out to dinner and movie but we had to study and other things got in the way so we postponed it to the weekend after... which I find out later we have to babysit Kai's little brothers so we had to go back to Jacksonville for the weekend and so that is one day of babysitting and we had to use the next day for studying because that is important. This weekend, we were going to study one day and then the next day, go to the beach, movies and maybe eat out or at least something nice. Nope. Saturday we hung out with some friends that ran all day, came back to Jacksonville on Saturday night and it is now Sunday and we have to study. It kinda makes me really upset we haven't really been able to do anything but study, sleep together and sex. But I want to do other things. I kinda want to get dressed up and go out but we just haven't had time =/ Haha, upsetting because I got a couple new dresses , shoes and accessories for it. Oh well, we will do what we can till we can get less busy.

So Kai has been dissatisfied with himself lately in terms of getting work done and such and I can't help but stress about work and getting it done because I need to. So this afternoon, we were planning to have blocks of studying, I suppose, so I was on the bean bag studying for Applied Ecology because I have an exam tomorrow and he was reading comics. Maybe I need to stress less about him, but I asked him if he was doing work, because he was on his bed, and it turns out he was reading comics. He said he checked and the work wouldn't be due till Tuesday, though he also has 4 late assignments (most points he can get is 80% so not bad but I mean, it's easy points) and he said he was going to clean but I guess he couldn't get up. Maybe I shouldn't have pointed it out and let him get to it on his own but lately it seems like he would normally just stay on the computer and then afterwards, get upset because he didn't get anything done. It feels like I can't win or help in any way except make it worse and it just makes me feel even worse like I am very teary-eyed right now and all I can do is stay on the bean bag, type this out and study, while listening to Lights but still =/ Very upsetting.





 
 
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