"Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you.
Got me hypnotized, so mesmerized.
And I just gotta know
do you ever think when you're all alone
all that we could be, where this thing could go?
Do you catch your breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
I keep trying and trying to walk away.
But I know this crush ain't going away."
-Crush by David Archuleta
He couldn't believe that he was actually doing this. WHAT in the name of GOD had convinced him that THIS, of all things, was a good idea? Oh sure. She didn't hate him anymore. She didn't glare at him as much, if at all, as she used to. Hell, he'd even gotten her to laugh at a few of his stupid jokes every now and then.
She had, or at least she had SHOWN that she had let him into her world. She didn't guard herself around him, anymore. She trusted him. Was at ease with him. They were actually, by some miracle, by the grace of some god, FRIENDS now.
He had come to know her just as well as she had come to know him, and they had exchanged so many secrets. Had told each other so many stories. But as much of an idiot as he usually was, even HE knew that there were just some things that you never said, some questions that you never asked to a FRIEND.
Besides, he was probably just overreacting. He was probably just making this girl out to be more than she really was. I mean, sure, she was the first girl that he'd met in a long time that didn't focus solely on shoes and makeup and all that other bullcrap.
Sure she could truly say that she understood the hell that life had put him through, because SHE had been through it too. And maybe, JUST MAYBE, she wasn't as shallow, as self-centered, as whiny, as...well, CRAZY as the other girls that he had been involved with.
But that didn't mean that he should just lose his mind and profess his undying love to her under the moonlight like some unrealistic romance movie. He was better than that, damn it! And there was NO WAY that some girl was going to just waltz right into his life and take over his heart, mind, and soul just because she happened to be...nice.
But then...she'd laugh. Then she'd smile. Then she'd write, and sing, and gently make fun of his little quirks that she couldn't quite understand. Then she'd stay awake and talk to him until the sun came up. She'd let him rant about his parents, about his crazy ex, about stupid video game glitches. She'd... be HERSELF.
And in turn, she would make him finally realize, that she already HAD stolen his heart, mind and soul. It occurred to him that there wasn't a single day that went by where he didn't think about her at least ONCE.
It also occurred to him that no matter how terrible his day had been, he could easily forget it all at the sound of her voice simply saying, "Hello." That he waited for her, waited to see her every day. And when he couldn't, his head buzzed with frustration and his stomach tightened with disappointment.
He wasn't sure what this was. What any of this really meant. He didn't know if it was simply a temporary moment of infatuation, or if these feelings and emotions towards her were something...more. He didn't want to know, truthfully. He wasn't ready to know.
But he wanted...NEEDED to know if he was alone. If he was the only one being assaulted by these new sensations. And if by chance he wasn't alone, and she felt the same way...maybe...just maybe they could do something about it.
It was that thought that put him in the position that he currently was in. The position left him sweating bullets and fidgeting anxiously under her brown-eyed gaze. It was that thought that made him set his heart in front of her on a silver platter, unprotected, unguarded, and completely vulnerable to the crows hovering above.
It was that thought that made him foolishly, impulsively ask her a question that could very well ruin everything that had carefully, slowly, delicately been built between them,
"Would you...like to go out sometime? Maybe?"
He was a fool, he knew. But he just had to know.
· Fri Oct 11, 2013 @ 10:02pm · 0 Comments