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In a few hours...
So in a few hours I will be on a plane, heading back to Alberta. Am I ready? No. Do I want to go? I thought I did...until it hit me I was actually going. He talks about buying me an engagement ring and marrying me, and I'm not ready for any of that. I'm scared you know? My family thinks I need to find someone here. And since the only way I can make my current relationship be an actual relationship is leaving my family behind, and moving there by myself is a scary thought. I don't want to be away from my family. Especially my Papa, and my brother. My best friend will be gone for two years since she's moving to the Northwest Territories for 2 years for her job, and that's scary to. I'm not prepared for any of this. And I feel like my panic attacks are resurfacing. When I come back my Dad may be living here since him and his girlfriend of 8 years have split up. And I'm just generally worried about everything, and everyone. I doubt I will be sleeping any time soon, I need someone to talk to, but without my best friend here, and my brother not being able to listen without his boyfriend's input I have no one. My boyfriend doesn't listen, and some how makes every problem I have multiply and make it a relationship problem, and that scares me to. I would talk to my Papa, which I often do, but there are somethings that I can't even talk to Papa about. I'm so scared. I wish I wasn't but I am.

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