This is.... well... I'll find out when I'm done. Honestly, I'm just going to type my mind out as I think it. I've been ******** up. I knew I had been, but now... just... crap. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I've been ignoring you. and not replying and... seeming like I just don't care. I DO care. I love you. You make me happier than anything else on the planet could. Without you.... God I don't know where I would be. I know I wouldn't be here, trying my hardest to something I never thought I could do. I can't tell you how much you mean to me. More than all of that though... I'm sorry. I'm sorry I've been making you feel like any of this is your fault. I'm sorry I haven't been doing what I need to do. I haven't been checking up on you and making sure you're happy. I need just.... do better.
You haven't been making me mad. You really haven't. There's nothing you could say that would ever make me actually mad at you. Even when you bring things up I know it's just because that's what you don't want to be ...her. You aren't her. You aren't even close to being like her. Until you accuse me of cheating on you with girls that aren't even there you haven't come close to her level. You'll never be her and I'll never be mad at you. I'm sorry I might have acted that way but... I wasn't. I just want you to know that there's no one else I want. There's no one else I could ever want more than you.
I guess... now... I'll tell you what I'm afraid of. It's honestly the same thing. That one day I'll say something or do something stupid enough to make you mad at me. I need to take things more seriously. I've gotten too used to taking everything so lightly that I do and say stupid things. Things that hurt you even if I think they shouldn't. Just because I think it's harmless doesn't mean it actually is. I just...I want you to know that I don't mean the stupid stuff. I don't.
I love you Babynose. I really do. And I'll never lose sight of that. You're the best thing that ever happened to me. Every time I think of you I smile and get lost in our memories. I don't know if I told you this but... I've even started seeing you around campus. I guess I just miss you that much. I just... I dunno. I guess my brain is out of words. The sad part is... there's so much more I want to say. I love you baby. Please, please, please don't ever think I don't.
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