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Daily Journal: Posting Everyday.. Surviving School
Listen to me rant on life, and improve social skills. Must survive school even if it kills me.
Six day's of constant thinking
I've decided to change. I want to change. I need to change. These past six day's have been different than the norm. I am going to write the most stupidest, cheesiest, despairing, hoping, and just down right bad essay. But I dont care. I need to jot this down, and stick to these rules if I want to make a change.
On Wednesday, my school hosted there homecoming week carnival. I had been looking forward to going for awhile now, reflecting on last years fun events. So at video club, I did something I normally would not do. I asked Duncan to come with me to the carnival. He accepted, and I met him later at the venue.
In short, it was terribly boring. There was nothing to do. We just walked around and small talked to whole time. There is something I learned from this experience. I can small talk. I should have lead the conversation more, and tried to built off those small awkward silences and boring topics. I wont regret what I didn't do, this is a learning trial and an experience.
Thursday and Friday were not noteworthy, not that I remember what happened. Yesterday is of great importance. I would deem this the turning point in my journey.
Yesterday, we held the Hum;Cast. I will divulge into more detail about what happened later, but needless today, only one thing really matters. The fact that I dont talk. This is a podcast, and I can't work up the courage and strength to debate among my friends?! This has really gotten me worked up. So worked up to the point, I decided I needed to do something about it. It does not help that Heavenly has decided we need less members. As well all know, I will be the first kicked out. I need to prevent that from happening!
Today, I came up with tips for myself to help my social problems. First of all, I need to ask the guy's for help. I will wait until the topic comes back up, then have a 20 Second Power Up! Next goals I've decided to work on is school life. I am boring, I am quiet, I am shy, I am a bad talker. I've come up with some steps to change this.
First of all, I need to talk more in Art Class. To the girls around me? No, there hopeless. I cant successfully communicate with them, as I will never be on the same page. Now Austin on the other hand, has potential While he is autistic, I see no problem in that! He's very nice, and needs help alot, and we both like video games. I could easily strike up a conversation with him about video games, and take it from there.
In my AP classes, It's more about putting myself out there by participating. In AP world I need to participate more by raising my hand. Only a few kids answer the questions, and our teacher wants everyone to help. Great opportunity to get explaining experience. With AP Psy, I just need to work up the courage to participate in the experiments. They look really fun! Except all I do is watch. That is terribly boring. Class would be much funner if I actually tried.
Now onto Technology. Being in a class with 30 boys and 3 girls (including me) gives me a great opportunity to talk to the opposite sex. While this is really not a problem, as my best friend is Patrick, It's still talking experience. I need everything I can get. Now with Math I will do s**t nothing, because I sit around alot of popular people. Math will be my information gathering class.
Finally to Language Arts. This is were I need to combine everything I know to participate in debates, write papers, and just be helpful and not a parasite. My biggest problem is I can't properly organize my thoughts and put them into words. I figure I may get practice in LA, but the Hum;Cast would be a better place to really get experience. My last class, Chemistry, I just need to raise my hand more to answer questions. Don't be scared if I get something wrong. As she does pick people randomly when nobody raises there hand, I have already had experience talking.. I just need to get something wrong. Recognize that feeling, and not be taken over by it.
All of this is because Heavenly decided to kick people out of the Hum;Cast. Personally I am scared, but determined to make a change.
(Wow this is long.. and personally one of the best journal posts ever. The title also sounds so deep. Well, time to go to Oma's. Now if only I would study for Chinese...)

xXDuplicaXx
Community Member
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