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I Like Eating Sandwiches
and now for a random bunch of blahh from Emmy
It's been 132 days since the break and I'm still constantly a mess over this. I can't just sit around and do nothing, I physically can't but I don't know what to do and I can't handle this! I could sleep but when I wake here you'd still be gone. And yeah, it's really quite more painful than it sounds, I can't believe we're losing the connection that we found, I'm heavy with the weight of missing you. You're so worth all of this torture. But are you? It makes me really really sad to think that you're not the person that I knew back then... Cheer up my friends all say, or they would say I can't open up to anyone about this... I feel like I'm inside out, you've got me upside down, maybe I was holding on too tight? We used to stick together, we wrote our names in blood, how the hell did we wind up like this? Why weren't we able to see the signs that we missed? Look, I can only imagine how negatively you must think of me by now but can we PLEASE end this? We've all been exxtreemely immature about a lot of this, me, you, everyone. I seriously feel like I'm going to literally explode any day now... I've broken down, I'm a nervous wreck, my heart is beating out of my chest and nothing fees familiar at all to me, my head is like a traffic jam, I can't stop crashing into bed. When no one calls I could be anywhere, no medication could stop this spreading through me. My best friends they don't even know that my mind's going a thousand miles an hour. Hope turns to madness, I can't stop myself from walking backwards. I can't get your face out of my head, it makes my brain hurt. I could be falling to pieces and you wouldn't notice if I was at your feet, if you needed constant attention or constant affection you always looked further than me. Why'd you have to turn around after all that we've been through? It won't be too late when the smoke clears 'cause I'm still here. You know verrryyy frikkn well that I was never good at goodbye... When we were starting out you believed in me without a doubt, you were the finest thing to happen to a girl like me, it's no much harder now. Today I couldn't stay awake, feels like I'm drowning in this firewater lake, I won't be sleeping much tonight, it's not the same without you lying by my side. I hate the way I get when I can't handle bad news, feels like I've been an a**hole for months, all I've got left are these handfuls of **** you, man that's never enough, I guess I'm just down, I guess I'll be honest I could use you around. My friends all say you're sitting way too close to me that I should just get up and leave, it's like I'm weighed down to the seat. I've been obviously on the verge of a mental breakdown this week. I've been trying to find out where everyone's been but they're nowhere and I'm nothing and I've been trying to stay as busy as I can. I haven't been losing sleep, no I pass out almost instantly but the bad dreams get worse every week, think I'm losing a little of me. So I'm down again but this time is different, I'm mourning something that I miss, and that's better than being hopeless. I'm a mess, that's the best way to describe it, having no time to myself is the only way I can fight it, when I'm alone it's like I'm staring into a mirror, don't know the person inside, that's never been any clearer, I miss your family and I miss all our friends, if you had it to do over would you do it over again? Cause I would, this means something more to me, there's a hole in my heart where you used to be, I still wish you the best of luck, it's so good thinking that this was a waste of time, I couldn't forget you if I tried. You killed what was left of the good in me, I'm tired so let me be broken, look down at the mess that's in front of me, no other words need be spoken, and I've got nobody else to blame though I've tried, kept all our past mistakes held inside, I'll live with regret for my whole life. I confess, I brought this all on myself, condemned to suffer alone like there's nobody else, when you're gone it's like a whole part of me's missing, so I'll keep living the lie and just hope that you're listening. Let's have three cheers for the new year, here's to hoping it's not as bad, this wasn't part of my vision, the optimist in me swore we could make this last, but no you ruined my favorite records, I listen to them and I think of you, I just hope you remember the countless times I believed in you FOR WHAT? Just know that it KILLS ME when I hear anything to do with you. I can't make you want to stay, God knows I tried but this broke under our weight, I still gave it everything, guess I'll never catch my breath. I think I finally found him, and when I did I just couldn't make things right, this is really happening? I think I just ruined my life... I think I need something new here but I keep longing for what I had. Remember when I tried? I never strayed too far from you, forever by your side, no matter what I was going through, but now I never know those things to say to you to help prove that I'm still on your side, I never show just what you do to me, guess I'm what's always wrong. I speak the truth and everybody else knows it, so set your ego to the side and get the **** over it, I can't waste my time on hateful people like you. I just can't believe it's really come to this because without me you would not exist. Don't wait, just go, and when you find yourself please let me know, it's not too late, just let go. You brought your worst and I'm right here. But you still know me, still not cut out for this sort of thing, never wanted to be caught in between, I need constant reminders of everything and so what it's who I am, and I played it off so well, I just hold it in no matter how I've been so nobody can tell. Where were you when my walls came falling down? You tried to hide, you stood close by and didn't make a sound. You should know things aren't always what they seem, I said I'd never let you go and I never did, I said I'd never let you fall and I always meant it. Okay I should really stop aimlessly quoting lyrics now but this really has helped me calm down, it always does. I really don't know if I would physically be able to still be here if it weren't for music. I could go on and on for days with relevant lyrics...

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