Being back at school has made me "better," maybe. The urge to cut has mostly been suppressed by my being in school in a monitored environment with people I like and respect watching me. But then, maybe I am not actually "better;" I seem to seek assurance from others that they like me--possibly the source of my love of cuddling? Perhaps it reaffirms that they care about me. But if that's the case I don't think that's healthy either--it's just another form of repressing my emotions, using others for that purpose rather than seeking intrinsic approval.
On another topic, I've gained some weight over the holidays. I expected it but it still hurts. I hope I can drop it and my sugar habit again. I just can't keep gaining, can I?
I would hate myself again. I really wish I could join a weight-loss group to help me with this.
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