December 26th, 2012
I don't understand why I hate my body. I don't remember when i became aware of the fact that it is normal to hate your body, to think of it as a burden, as something hateful. I sometimes wonder if I changed during that time I stopped being "normal" and started being "fat," or if I just started to look at myself differently. People have so much contempt for people who hate and deride and harm or just talk about their bodies. Is that all women? Do men look down on us for this? Well, maybe they should; we made this trap ourselves, for ourselves; that is why it is so perfect and inescapable. I wish I could cry and scream and maybe starve myself but those things are so painfully obvious. I can only hate myself in secret, or people would get angry, or pity me or be repulsed or cry or scold or make me "see someone"...as if anything could ever change this. As if this weren't a perfect trap that I have built for myself.