just watched the perks of being a wallflower. just so much reminded me of school. reminded me of why i had to part myself from so many ppl. most of all it reminded me of someone who was about the closest friend i had, but of coarse i couldnt just let it be and it wound up hurting me to much to be near them. dateing a girl you dont really love just because you accept it as is, dont want to hurt them, and eventually it just becomes habit. watching everyone leave just to end up thinking about the worst things. someone you really care about, friend zoning you but you cant help but try. having someone seem to just know you so well, better then even they realize, learning all you can about them and being overlooked at the same time. how much it hurt, how lonely i was, and how much more alone i made myself become. i push everyone away, and not even just a little or by accident. i mean full out remove from every way they can talk too me by.
"we accept the love we think we deserve."
but what if i dont think i deserve any love? what if i cant accept anything because i just don't think i'm worth it? time and time again my life proves that to me, that i cant be loved, that i only deserve the suffering and pain brought on me by only the most selfish, miserable, spiteful, and sad people that life can make a human being. what if because of other ppl and my own inability to just accept, i cant allow myself anything? what dose that make me? am i selfish for just wanting to be? to live how i feel? to not have others choices forced on me? i want to live by my own timeline, not by what others think is right.
good movie, just wish it didnt remind me of ppl i lost along the road too being alone