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Numbness replaced.

Some more brooding, self reflection follows.

In many ways, I am a coward. Self saboteur. Constantly I ruin what matters, what's important. Or else I fail to take action when I recognize I should.


Letting go....Doesn't mean denial, but witnessing whatever pain might come and moving beyond it, although it might linger.

Something I need to embrace, for many things.

Distress in whatever form, if not fixated on, is a signal. Something is wrong....Motivates, places stress on the need of change.

I need to accept the ways that I am.

Pervasive loneliness I expect. Maybe it's just part of the 'human condition', maybe it's what is meant for me.

I am not ever going to be the sort of person to form causual relationships, quick attachments.

That doesn't mean that I will be 'alone' in life, nor am I incapable of having meaningful connections with others. But it does feel quite alienating.

It's the sense of isolation that is so grueling.

Difficult, but I can deal with that. In a way, there is somekind of virtue to be found amidst this all. What I'm not really sure, but....it's something.

I need to start with being honest with myself, facing whatever I need to, snd eventually being open with others.

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