Some more brooding, self reflection follows.
In many ways, I am a coward. Self saboteur. Constantly I ruin what matters, what's important. Or else I fail to take action when I recognize I should.
Letting go....Doesn't mean denial, but witnessing whatever pain might come and moving beyond it, although it might linger.
Something I need to embrace, for many things.
Distress in whatever form, if not fixated on, is a signal. Something is wrong....Motivates, places stress on the need of change.
I need to accept the ways that I am.
Pervasive loneliness I expect. Maybe it's just part of the 'human condition', maybe it's what is meant for me.
I am not ever going to be the sort of person to form causual relationships, quick attachments.
That doesn't mean that I will be 'alone' in life, nor am I incapable of having meaningful connections with others. But it does feel quite alienating.
It's the sense of isolation that is so grueling.
Difficult, but I can deal with that. In a way, there is somekind of virtue to be found amidst this all. What I'm not really sure, but....it's something.
I need to start with being honest with myself, facing whatever I need to, snd eventually being open with others.
· Mon Sep 16, 2013 @ 09:57am · 0 Comments