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Just entries of things that happen in my life.
Life Entry #17
Michael David Allen Quaadman:
A man that I absolutely adored and still do.
Someone that I know every little thing about...and the more that I analyze those things, the more that I realized that I may as well have wasted 7 years knowing so much about him because...he never remembers anything about me.

Before we broke up, I was getting on his case about giving me a bit more attention.
I understood that he worked 6 days out of 7, but between playing games online with friends and watching endless hours of anime he can make time for me..
I constantly made time for him.
I swear that he was all that I had time for.
But...he didn't like me nagging about it I guess.
He up and deleted me over the night..
No explanation or reasoning.
Just...gone. Refused to reply to me at that.

Why do I feel that I wasted so much this entire time?
Well..first off, I could have been dating plenty of other guys close by over those years. I probably would have been with Derrick for a long time if Michael never got jealous after we broke up and I felt guilty over it..
I probably could have kept Billy if it wasn't for Michael complaining and acting like a brat until he got his prized toy back..
Nick and I would probably be on better terms, I probably WOULD HAVE dated Brad..
But no.
Michael, being the selfish man that he is, kept me for holding decent relationships.

Another thing about it:
I may have guy friends...but you don't see me buying them things or buying me things much more than food.
Takes all of his female friends bikini shopping, clothes shopping shoes shopping...
Buys them things and does things for them that I wish that he would do for me...
Oh! But he did buy me something 2 weeks before breaking up with me that arrived a week before it all.
He brought me a sex toy...
Of ALL of the things he could have bought me, of ALL of the things that I've shown him that I want....I get a sex toy.
How did that make me feel?
Like nothing less than a sex doll...
It was after receiving it that I confronted him about things...and after that he deleted me.

Another thing upsetting:
I STILL remember everything about him;
- Color-blind to green
- about 5'6"
- Strawberry blonde hair that often looks red
- Green eyes
- A pair of teeth behind his front top row that makes a smiley face whenever he bites,,
- He has worked at a barn ever since the day I met him(my cute barn boy)
- He loves foxes and his dog Charlie
- He loves bacon
- He use to always go to a coffee shop
- Walks just about everywhere
- Has freckles on his shoulders...

I could go on and on from his fetishes, to his flaws to what I find so perfect about him...why he will always be my Tomoya..
But this Nagisa just has to get over it and worry about her current love.
But...it's going to be hard to forget 7years..

Tristan Lee Watkins, as of July 10th, 2013 is my main concern now.
I'll just...need his help getting over Michael for some time to come.

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