I've changed alot since last year. I'm not an 11 year old boy who is having some eh... bodily and chemical changes, that's not the kind of person that's writing this. I'm way past those changes, but I've still changed drastically since last year- and two years? wow. i'm a new person considering who i was two years ago. the big difference is, now i'm always stressed and unsatisfied with everything in life. i can see it in my writing. everything is so different, i've become so cynical since back then. i write such dark and hopeless stories, whereas i used to just love to go all out with the fantasy and let my colorful imagination makes colorful stories. a couple of months ago, i started writing an untitled story... it's a step forward. a step toward getting the colorful and less stressed, cynical, dark part of my mind back. i realize that the cynical realist i've become is the logical one, but ever since i accepted those changes, i've been miserable. i want the old mind back, maybe with some new knowledge... but i've just changed so much. i mean, you can even see it in the way i type, i talk like this, too. i use this indifferent voice with intelligent words and deep inspections on all kinds of matters. i think alot about religion and feelings, and i've become alot smarter... but i always seem so serious, now... >.>
i've realized that these changes have made me like myself as a person just a little bit less and less every day, for a long time now. if i were to meet myself, i would hate him. lately, i have come across a ton of old inspirations, back when i was a person i would like to call myself. it made me realize how much i've changed- and how much i WANT to change from the time i am sitting down and writing this. i really hope i can break off all the things in my way lately... i want to forget about every influence and every impression all these people have left on my life. i want to totally be me, in a way that i can appreciate. i want to be what i used to be, more or less. something needs to change, or i'll loathe myself as a human being until the bitter end...
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