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[You know I don't..."appear" unless absolutely necessary, like Kyoya-mun, or if someone is close to me. But I thought if this applicant is promising and might be our new family member, he should get used to me so I said something.]

Roka
Funny, I was given another name to call him by

What is it?
That's not fair...;;

How is it not fair. I talked to the mun 8-u
[Or rather I did]

I tried bracketing but he didn't react or budge ;;

Well we'll know with the "introduce yourself"
...odd

[Well, I was answering his roleplay, the whole thing was in brackets but I was...in character...I guess ==;; ]

[That's your problem. xD]

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[Thanks Kyoya. -genuinely appreciates their concern despite sounding unamused-

]


Here is the conversation so far:

From: Akira Midoriyama
Re: Excuse me, Suoh-san...
On: Aug 25-26, 2013


sweatdrop I apologize for the confusion, but would you be so kind as to refer to me as 'Roka Toshiro'? That's actually my real name; I'm afraid 'Akira Midoriyama' is a commoner identity given to me by an information broker from Ikebukuro. At Ouran, however, I was always known by my real name. My hair was also dyed and I wear contact lenses as Akira.

Oh, I'm sorry ; I changed it now! Thank you for letting me know

Not at all! It was my fault completely. ^_^; I have something of a complicated history with my family, you see, so I've been doing my best to lie low. It's always a pleasure to revisit my high school days, however.

-sheepishly smiles- You shouldn't take all the blame. Complicated? Good idea! Hm, yes. As nostalgic as I would be for my elementary school days, I still wouldn't love to revisit. I look at the present and the future!

Heheh...ever the optimist, aren't you? *smiles a little bitterly* I both envy and admire you; if only I could say the same. Alas, I am one of those pitiful souls doomed to look upon the past and regret my former choices as mistakes.

*both Tamaki and Tamaki-mun* [-slightly frowns- Oh, I'm sorry you feel that way... -blinks- Everyone makes mistakes. You mustn't blame yourself for not knowing better or for accidents -- would an infant regret wailing loudly at 3am and waking everyone? -- because there was nothing else you could have done. You shouldn't stay regretting them. It's unproductive, unhealthy, and you might not learn from them. -points up- Forgive and forget, Roka! Everyone else has forgotten, except you. Probably. I don't know what it is ;;. But forgetting is part of being human. No one cares about what someone ate for breakfast one morning two weeks ago anymore, let alone care that much about one person's entire life history or keep track of how many times a significant other has messed up one's relationship* -begins to smile- Ha ha, I wouldn't say you're "doomed." Isn't that your opinion? -smiles, tilting his head- You can choose where you look, right? -casually holds up his index finger- Also, the past is called the past for a reason. It makes up your foundation, and who you are to an extent, but it doesn't dictate where you are going.

Unless someone is obsessed with you, or holds an unrealistically long grudge, because you directly experienced it, you're probably the only one who remembers it clearly and still to this day. -apologetically smiles a bit- Pitying yourself might be useless...?

Think about it this way! You've felt sorry and sad for years, but you're still in that abyss.]

*stares at Tamaki a moment, looking surprised before breaking into pained laughter* Of course, of course; you're right. I'm intrigued you seem to understand people so well without even knowing too much about their faults and deeds. *tugs on his bangs thoughtfully before turning a polite smile to his schoolmate*

However...from what I've heard of rumors, it seems to me that you of all people should know what choosing between your duties and your desires is like, am I right? Heh...I apologize if I seem to wallow in my self-pity, but I suppose one reason I'm so caught up in the past is because I'm still not sure how to determine my future because of it.

*laughs uneasily and waves a hand* I will not bore you with the details, but I feel you are a person who, between choosing from your own selfish wishes and what's expected of you, would accept the latter as your fate. I attempted to do the same, but I was not so strong and ran away as a result. I can't bring myself to go back and that cowardice of mine haunts me every day. That's why I hope you'll forgive my saying so, but I can't really expect you to understand. *offers a strained smile*

[-slightly smiles, feeling sorry he's causing him pain- I don't need to know yet, do I? The person's personality is enough for now and you seem like a good person to me. Maybe it's my empathy too.

-softly smiles- ...Heh. Yeah, you're right. -listens, forgiving him- True, that does happen. But we could start now! You should have done something, yes, but you can do something now, especially now that you know. It's never too late. The important thing is what you can now that you do know.

Oh, you couldn't bore me. -grins- This is fun. It's interesting! -blinks in surprise at his understanding- Eh? Ah... Yes -chuckles- Business is different. I can be selfish on my own time about many little things. Plus, there are people my behavior affects so it is very reasonable for me to act accordingly. -furrows his eyebrows- ...Was it too much pressure? The expectation? -sadly smiles- I forgive you, Roka, and it's all right; you were being yourself and you have a good reason. -slowly grins- Expecting things out of people is a bad thing to do. -shortly chuckles- Wanting or hoping, however, is different. -softens his expression- I understand what you mean and I can see why you regret missing your opportunity. You can't move now and you aren't sure how to obtain another chance. -gently admits, a little sheepish- I'm a coward myself. I'm very determined and brave but, sometimes, I can also be very scared and need reassurance. ...I was terrified twice within the last few months. Once was about my family and the other was about Haruhi (roleplayers). -accidentally canon- So I understand how you can feel immovable, troubled, regretful... -slightly smiles- We regret the things we don't do and sometimes, fear and insecurity can be annoying.]

A good person, eh? *can't help grinning* You are far too kind. I'm afraid it may indeed simply be your empathy and your apparent tendency to give others the benefit of the doubt. Still, I'll admit it's comforting to have that benefit, even if I have done nothing to deserve it. I thank you for that.

*winces a little* Ah, but...I feel that in many ways, it is too late. I just...I no longer have the heart or will to go through with what had been my role in the Toshiro family. *sits and rests his cheek in his palm, patting the place beside him* 'Couldn't bore you'? I hope you're not simply indulging me for the sake of politeness, Suoh-san. *smiles wanly* I much prefer honesty, but to your credit, I've been told you are more genuine than most. I find it rare enough to find such a trait among our fellow schoolmates, if you catch my meaning. Our society, I feel, is not one that seems to commend the truth.

*rests his elbows on his knees as he sits and interlocks his fingers, resting his chin thoughtfully atop them* I have three sisters whom I love dearly. They used to attend Ouran with myself, but then our close relationship as siblings and the games we used to play were seen as a hindrance to my masculine image. In order to secure my reputation and the fulfillment of my role as the sole male heir of our family, my sisters were sent to St. Lobelia Girls' Academy. My parents hoped that then I could complete my studies without distraction or interruption. However, they didn't count on two things. *holds up two fingers* One - my love of music, somewhat attributed to my older sister, who's mute. And two - that I might fall in love with another student.

Naturally, they - my mother in particular - tried to redirect my focus by putting a stop to both. A marriage was arranged with another family whose business was an asset in partnership with our own. I loved my new wife, but more as a sister than anything. I couldn't get myself to feel anything more no matter how hard I tried. *sighs and tugs on his bangs again* She was sickly, though, and despite all efforts, she eventually passed away in just a few years after entering high school. After that, I couldn't take it. I had already been miserable and my wife's death just made everything unbearable. I ran off without a word to anyone and bought an identity as a commoner. Now tell me, Suoh-san - *looks to him* What would you do in my shoes?

[You're welcome! Maybe, ha ha. I (like to) think everyone is nice until they do something to prove me wrong. -smiles- I'm glad.

-sits down beside him- Yes. I'm an honest person and I value honesty. People can tell how I'm feeling from my expressions or words. It is? All of the people I've met are kind and honest. I don't see a reason for them not to be. I'm sorry you encountered those students though. Depends on what the truth is |8o ;

-intently listens to Roka's story-...I'm sorry for your loss. It's not your fault you couldn't love her as a wife, but a sibling love still counts; you deeply cared about her. If I were you, I would return to my family. Even if I am a coward, I'm a man and I'm responsible for my actions. At least if nothing works, I did come back and try to solve things. If you can't return by yourself, I can always accompany you. Have you tried telling your family how you felt? They won't necessarily understand "you felt miserable and overwhelmed" from your running away. Are your parents not understanding people? Did you tell your mother your thoughts on your wife? When they disliked what they didn't expect, they were trying to do what is best for you and your future.]

*beams at Tamaki* Wearing your heart on your sleeve in a world of masked pretenders... How can you call yourself a coward? It's natural to fear for friends, family, and those we hold most dear to us. I would hardly call it cowardess to concern yourself with others. And in my experience, it takes true courage to be honest, both with oneself and the rest of the world.

*blinks and stares* All? Suoh-san, you can't seriously believe that, can you? That all the people you've ever met are kind and honest? *looks worried* I know you said you like to think them so until proven otherwise, but...haven't you ever been proven wrong? *tone turns cold and bitter* Especially with all the under-handed liars and cheaters who walk our halls, deceiving with sweet words and feeding others flattery, winning favor for their own self-benefit... Surely you must have encountered at least one or two such people. It's what I could never stand about our society. *frowns* The fact that that kind of behavior - frivolous facades and elaborate acts - are encouraged...

*looks up at Tamaki and regards him fondly* Ah, if only I had gotten to speak to you prior to these events. I suppose my father would understand, but my mother always considered my interest in commoners to be distasteful. In the past, if ever I would even mention commoner life, she would consider it a complaint and call me ungrateful for having been born into the privileged life I was granted. I think if I were to return and tell her where I'd been, she might disown me for even having conceived such a plan in the first place and for having given up all my wealth. Aside from that, I fear she'd never let me live down what she'd think would be my running back home to a life of luxury with my tail between my legs. To her, my return would probably signify a failure to live on my own rather than an attempt to resume my responsibilities as an heir. That's why I don't know if they'd even take me back.

*grins crookedly* I learned far too late in life that everything has a price. With wealth, fame, and power comes responsibility, expectations, restrictions. But as a commoner, with new freedom, independence, and anonymity comes hardship, naivety, and lonliness. *shrugs and chuckles* I suppose the grass is always greener on the other side, neh?

*smiles* How about you, Suoh-san? Have you ever fantasized about being a commoner? I would imagine that being around Fujioka-san and having learned how she spends her daily life would inspire the curiosity, at least.