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Where Is My Mind?
Yep. My Journal. On gaia. About my ways and such.- []-
Nothing Worse than a Good Dream
I don't lie often..I just rarely say the truth.
But how can I be given the chance to tell the truth when no one asks?
I have to be asked..because I can't talk on my own.
It's hard for me to take some type of initiative..because I hesitate.
I'm used to being this way..too used to it.
So maybe that's why, but it doesn't mean I don't get disappointed in myself.
Of course I'll be harsh on myself, and I'll get mad.
It's alright, I just disagree with myself from time to time.
I don't hurt myself about it..anymore.
I'd like to say it was a long time ago but it really took me a while to get a grip..
or something like that..
I met a guy named Michael at my school, I think he wants to be my friend..
It's weird..I don't know..
Let's see, let's see..
Well, read.
I don't know what it is I wan't to get off my chest on here.
I suppose nothing. Just to talk..type.
I should get to my essay, but it is only a draft.
I'm gonna go a bit off topic, if there even was one.
You know, I create the titles first and then type..
I didn't have a good dream today.
Titles are important in my eyes. Though most people don't care.
If you were someone who read my last entry, you'd know I only type these journals because I don't talk much. Sure, I can talk sometimes, but not of the things I put here, unless you're Calvin.
Like how I believe in fantasies and am addicted to hoping for things. Sometimes it works..but only realistically.
Do you ever want a song to be about you?
I do..I think it's so important. For stupid reasons.
But reasons that are important to me, nonetheless.
I find it weird that I can type so fast and well. I used to suck so much.
I made a tiny TV. I saw a paper clip, this weird gray thing I have no idea what it's used for, and a Valentine's Day card Sara gave me that I don't wanna throw away. Not that I would. That's a memory. So, it's Captain America. She's a Marvel nut.
I'm a DC. I currently favor Vertigo though.
My computer desk is right next to my dad's fish tank and the killer fish, who murdered all the old ones, like to come on my side. He's funny.
I'm kinda glad we have such a cold-stone killer in the house.
He doesn't kill the sucker-fish though, but he's pretty huge.
Let's see...
Oh, okay..in my dreams, there was some delusional man who held me, some random person and a bunch of kids hostage. The kids didn't know they were in danger but I did. He was hiding a gun. He was obsessed with voices and forced everyone to sing but told me to be quiet. Rude.
Well, I had one of the kids trick him into letting his guard down, then I sneaked over and took his gun, the cops came bursting in and took the children but left me alone with the crazy guy. Some bullshit.
So I got locked in that weird shack we were in and the guy was all like "This is your fault. I gotta get outta here." I opened a random door and, suddenly, I was in my room. My friends were there, playing video games and sleeping on the beds. They were all like, "Where have you been? You've been gone for two years?" Then I was tripping balls and tried to leave the room but the crazy guy took the gun from me, knocked me over the head, and when I woke up I was in some forest.
Then I really woke up.
I cant remember yesterdays..
My dreams are usually like that.
Sometimes I get so caught up in them, I forget I could do whatever I want.
I can fly away, or jump really high, or hit people even though it'll feel really strange on my fist.
It's fun.
I had a crazy one about a week ago or so.
I was in the mind of a serial killer..
I had no control over what my body was doing, which is scary for me because I usually have control over my dreams..I was some young, stringy-looking man and I could only tell because I could see my hands and I caught a glimpse of my reflection in a knife. It was like I was just watching. He went into different rooms and each had a person or more, either strapped in a chair, chained to a wall, or just in a mangled up shape trying to crawl out of the room only to be stopped by a chain around their neck..he went into a large room that only had a light on a table with some woman strapped on it and started stabbing her and cutting her up and s**t..he used his bare hands to break things..I couldn't not look and it was as though I was his eyes. When I closed them I was somewhere else. I was a reporter with some random guy as my cameraman and we were in front of this big warehouse/mansion. We went in and went up this odd escalator and I was telling people in the microphone that we discovered where the serial killer had hid the bodies and the number 20 was everywhere, written in blood. There was a Dodgers game going on and we were providing live coverage cause it was a great discovery or some crap.
There ended up being people still alive trying to grab at us but we were too scared to help'm I remember one guy in particular was missing half his face and was leaning on the wall and his legs were missing. Its like its burned into my mind. We went into that big hall and it had two separate doors behind us and there was blood everywhere and 20 smeared all over the wall. The table was knocked over and the Dodgers made some amazing home run or something so people weren't watching us. I had this scary feeling I should turn around and the camera guy was facing me and he said " Holy s**t!" And I was gonna turn around real quick but I woke up.
Sorry if it's too gross.
I don't wanna disturb anyone.
It's always my last resort.
Panic! At The Disco- She Had The World
She held the world upon a string
But she didn't ever hold me
Spun the stars on her fingernails
But it never made her happy
Cause she couldn't ever have me
She said she'd won the world at a carnival
But she could never win me
Cause she couldn't ever catch me

I, I know why
Because when I look in her eyes
I just see the sky
When I look in her eyes
Well I, just see the sky

I don’t love you I'm just passing the time
You could love me if I knew how to lie
But who could love me?
I am out of my mind
Throwing a line out to sea
To see if I can catch a dream

The sun was always in her eyes
She didn't even see me
But that girl had so much love
she'd wanna kiss you all the time
Yeah, she'd wanna kiss you all the time

She said she won the world at a carnival
But I'm sure I didn't ruin her
Just made her more interesting
I'm sure I didn't ruin her
Just made her more interesting

I, I know why
Because when I look in her eyes
I just see the sky
When I look in her eyes
Well I, I just see the sky

I don’t love you I'm just passing the time
You could love me if I knew how to lie
But who could love me?
I am out of my mind
Throwing a line out to sea
To see if I can catch a dream

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