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I'm over thinking things.
I know I am.
It's because I am that I'm overreacting.
I have been known to make better decisions when I'm overreacting though.
This is the time when I actually use my brain.
One of those rare moments in life when people became really smart for a second.
Maybe I'm just over thinking this.
I can't be all that great.
If I were a lot of things would be different.
I doubt it.
Things can't change completely because no matter what, I'll always be me.
I'm still counting.
I've yet to confide in anyone for my counting problem.
I mean it still isn't really a problem.
100 misspellings and 15 periods.
Sorry make that 102.
It was going to be 101 but I ******** up.
103 now I'm just a mess 104.
I can feel bugs crawling on me.
It's always ants.
I don't think they're real.
David's still here too.
He's still trying to turn me into a better person.
He thinks I can change.
He says people change.
I still don't think I do.
115
I kinda want the real David to visit me.
I'm growing real tired of this fake David.
I'm getting pills to get rid of him tomorrow.
Medicine solves everything apparently.
I'm due back to the hospital sometime soon.
They're going to check my throat.
I could have to do chemo again if it's bad still.
I doubt it though.
Then again I've always had bad luck when it comes to health.
Speaking of which my heart is beating really fast.
Which isn't good.
I need to calm down.
When did this turn into a panic attack?
I was just thinking.
Okay maybe I was over thinking but so what.
135
I'm still counting in this moment.
My heartbeats in my ear
140
67
69
80
Wow jumping numbers.
156
I'm getting itchy,
And it's how ever though I'm right next to a fan.
Oh god.
Play it cool...
Relax..
Give up hope..
It doesn't matter.
None of this really matters anymore.
And that's how I stop panicking.
I stop caring..
I give up hope..
I give in to suicidal urges..
Since I'm drinking anymore.
I guess I go use painkillers.
Which I guess are worse than drinking, but whatever.
At least I'm honest about me demons.