So I guess this is my first post. And I should start from why I am doing this in the first place. The reason I’m coming back to Gaia after so many years is because this is a place that I can post and say what it is that I want because I cannot talk to anyone else about this. So this will be my e journal. Where I can talk about my most personal struggles when life gets tuff. I doubt that anyone will read this other then me but just incase.

I am leavening this open to public because there is not a lot of support or information for people that are in my struggle from the beginning out there. Most information you will find is from much further along. I will leave this open to public so some day it may help someone.

Now I’m not sure what will come of my life or what decisions I will make but life is life and I will try and make the best of it. This journal will help me to sort out my thoughts.

Ok so I guess I should cut to the chase if you read my about section you will see I have been having problems with my gender. I am currently a guy but I feel I am not right I feel that I would be much much more happier and comfortable as a female. I have struggled with this for years almost my whole life. Most of the time I tend to try and ignore it and forget but it keep coming back almost each and every day.

One reason I have not fallowed through with any of my feelings is because I am scared. Scared of losing my girlfriend of over 3 years. I told her about this a few months ago and she told me that she would leave me if it were all true... I assured her it was not and she believed me so we stayed together. So I keep putting on this mask that I’m a guy so I will not lose her. But it just makes me hate my self more. .. I think this is good for the first post.