It all started in the November of 2012, when a not-so-bright teenager registered to Gaia Online, and wrote her first journal entry. Fast forward 179 posts later, and to this post (So technically it's 180 or summat). In the time this journal has existed, there have been stories, picspams, rants, and insanity. Now, I give you, Lita's Diary's 180 Entry Bonanza/Spectacular/Eight Tenthennial Extravaganza/Get on qith it~
Story 1: Jimmy the Girl
James Jody Field is your average student. Goes to school, decent grades in everything but math and history, hates maths, healthy... did I mention James is a girl?
Yes she is. James here was born a girl, but in a very BeruBara-esque twist of fate, her father named her James. "What a glorious name is James! Bold and strong it is!" Said the ramblin' man named Joe.
This of course would be bad for this girl's social life, but judging from what we know of her personality, she probably baby-shrugged it off. This James was very careless about some things. If it's like being named like a dude, she shrugs it off. If it's Hi Hi Puffy Ami Yumi being cancelled, it's the second coming of the vikings. James had managed to somehow learn guitar from a relative (We assume he was a rabid Bob Dylan freak).
Now she attends Aries Misty School, where she... doesn't do much. She doesn't doesn't really study in math, which gives her bad marks, her incompetence towards history, and amazing ability to hint at a romantic relationship between her and James Eric. (We believe them. You seriously thought romance was entering this story? Nice try, Dodongo.)
Then came The Mango Incident. What was this? A bunch of idiots decided to steal stuff. A friend of Jimmy/James' reaction? Errin Rose grabbed a basket of mangoes and...
Threw those mangoes like they owed him money. Lots of money. You know how much money Paul Mccartney has? More than that. More than however much Sir Facemeltof- er, Paul, ever had. That was how hard he was throwing them. (REPEATING IT DOESN'T MAKE IT FUNNY, SUETHOR!!)
And that is why Errin is called St. Mango. Because he had to pay in damages. *Slow clap* This resulted in James Field and James Eric to publicly call him an idiot. I don't blame them. The shopkeeper however, was thankful he stopped the thieves (What? Were they allergic to mangoes?), and he got his dragonfruit. Aww. But he had to pay lots of many in damages. Whatever, little man.
Roger The Pyromaniac
"Roger, what the hell are you doing!???!"
Those were the last words of Nicholas Mosan, as he died in a fire with his companions Sid Baret (No, it's said Ba-rot), David Gin, and Richard Write. Roger caused this fire, the little b*****d, as he was crazy. "Why didn't they take him to the loony bin?" you ask. They did. He escaped. Deciding not to make him enraged, they let him be. Oddly, the more saner (More... more saner... Eh, screw it) of the group didn't think this up, it was Sid. Sid was crazy, but he wasn't hurting anyone. The others were, however, that after seeing Roger and how he was doing, they were hauling Sid's a** to the 'bin, too.
Richard stepped in. "Roger? You there?" He asked. When it was confirmed that he was there, Richard motioned for the others to come in.
They looked around the dusty house. Nothing much in the way of furniture except for a table, a shelf, and a chair. Everything else was rotting wood.
"Hey, Rog! Nice place you got here." Nick said.
Roger had that glint in his that they hadn't seen since he tried to kill their teacher. The pain in Miss Ophelia's eyes was still a pained thought in all four's minds. Suddenly, Roger's head fell back blank faced, then came back up off his neck with a most satanic grin and laugh. His hair was curling up at the ends in a truly murderous fashion.
Said Roger, "Sadly for you, it shall be your last."
Nick look surprised. "Wha'? What do you mean, Rog?" He was ready to head for the door, but Roger beat him to it and locked it. Then he pulled out a match, lit it, and....
...dropped it to the floor.
Story: James, Get Your Mind Out Of The Gutter!
Jones, Robert, James, and John were all sitting in a circle. Once John finally decided the others were basically just doing things he wanted no part of, he decided to slowly back away, slowly call Arkham Asylum, and slowly go home. (Notice how he is conveniently left out so i can focus on the pretty characters? Classy, eh?) Deciding that they didn't need him to spend the rest of this day in boredom, the shirtless trio began another the round of "Circle Questions". It was Jones' turn to ask.
"What was the weirdest dream you ever had? I have to go first. Once, I dreamed that somehow, Eric over here," he said, jabbing his thumb in James' direction (Who responded with a quite annoyed look), "Had blue hair, worked with a red headed chick who called herself Jessie and was named Kojiro. I only knew it was James because of his love of being domina-" -James growled at this- "-controlled. He dressed as a girl a lot."
James got up and looked as if he was ready to slap Jones. "I'm not a cross-dresser, for amusement or se-"
"Oh? Than what about these pictures of you and Robert wearing black dre-"
"Did I mention that at one point he dressed as a woman named Nurse Joy-"
"I'm surprised you haven't noticed I said your love of being dominated. Finally admitting that you are a raging masoc-"
"I am not!" Yet more suspicious denial from James.
"Denial: It's not just a river in Egypt anym-"
Robert couldn't take it. "Shut up, quit your cat fight, and get on with it!"
Jones then continued. He didn't really notice James dramatic eye-rolling. God, he reacted like a PMS-ing thirteen year-old. He might as well change his name to Jane Erica or something. Actually he had spoken to Robert about a certain dream about a woman named Jane and things...
"And ran around chasing a yellow mouse and calling a bunch of kids (Including some dude with his eyes sewn shut) 'twerp' and 'Twerpette'. Idiot."
Everyone stared at Jones. Point two seconds later, Robert was dying laughing.
Jones, now magically pleasant again, told Robert it was his turn.
Robert looked up and began his strange tale. "Alright. So, there a girl named Honey, and her father is killed. She learns she can transform into a hero named Cutey Honey. And she's adorable!"
Jones and Jame performed their synchronized "What the huh?" look towards Robert. Noticing the oddness of his statement, Robert quickly explained that he wasn't attracted to Honey, replied with another eye-roll from James.
"And now we turn to sweet baby James!" Jones exclaimed. After dodging a sharp swing courtesy of said baby James, Jones just laughed and told him to stop.
As soon as Jones noticed that even behind James' fluffy-wuffy mop of hair was a boy blushing like crazy, Jones wasn't sure he wanted to know. He just decided to go and grab John, maybe they could play a quick game of Yu-Gi-Oh!.
James then turned to Robert like a shy schoolgirl, he slowly told his story.
"Well, Robert... (Eh heh heh!) It was just you with me. Then you tied my arms and legs to the bed posts and... and..." James was now gasping for air, and then fainted
right into Robert's lap. Realizing that if Jones came back and saw James' face very close to his vital regions he'd say something, he just prodded James. Eventually, James shifted a little so he was sideways. At least he wasn't face down.
"I got John!" Jones cried, bursting through the door. Both he and John stopped when he saw Robert with James in his lap. Jones meant everything he said with a sweet, good-natured, cheerful seriousness. "Oh! I... I didn't mean to interrupt your loving activities..."
"No, it's not what it looks like!" Robert shouted.
"You're not lovers?"
John facepalmed at the whole thing. "Jones, Jones, Jones."
The two sat down, with Jones holding a tin of cards. Jones did feel the need to comment. "You have to admit you'd make a cute couple. If only James were a girl, you'd go together perfectly."
Robert had to laugh at this. It wasn't every day a friend said you and someone you were really close to would be cute as a couple to your face.
James lifted his head. "Please, don't stop." Robert hadn't noticed, but he'd been stroking James' hair. Robert, being Robert, took his hand off of James' head. James sat up and said, "Why do you have to be like that?"
"Are you in love with me?"
"No! In my opinion, Robert Thomas Anderson is the most obnoxious guy I've met, but I tolerate it. I'm not bi, if that's what you mean."
Jones of course had to prod James. "Does ickle baby Jamesie like being hurt?"
"Shut up, Jones."
"So it was just a weird dream?"
"No, really?" James said, following the third rule, the rule of Three in eyerolling. "We were telling our weirdest dreams! It was the weirdest dream I've had! Do ypu think I'd honstly enjoy being hit by a man? A fox of a girl? Likely, You? No."
"Why were you blushing, then?"
"You know how I am about that with you!"
John, tired of this drama, talked over the Bishonen Three. "I heard we were playing Yu-Gi-Oh! tonight. Let's go!"
Everyone decided this was a good idea. Basically, John was everyone else's overlord, Jones had to teach Robert that you can't use Bakura or "The Egypian homosexual", as Robert called Marik, James was close to mopping he floor until he became James Mop at the hands of Bonham, and Robert was like a four-year-old challenging Mr. T with a twig. Once everyone beat the others and then some, they decided they should probably go home.
Jones, Bonham, Plant and Page entered themselves into the science fair. They got last place.
Nudge Nudge Wink Wink FAIL!!!
Clearly, cross-dressing is the only way.
Th results of letting Robert and (A slightly drunk) Jones near a boat.
Jimmy Page's new album, Logic, is as ironic a title towards his outfits as it is innovative! And non-existent...
Proof that Robert Plant is a woman #1: Breasts. Apparently.
Robert-San, the microphone is not a food. Stop eating it. Or sucking it. Or whatever the hell you're doing.
Bonham: *Thinking* Screw this, I'm outta here.
Never let Page turn the lights out when Jones is getting dressed.
Robert: *Suddenly going Valley Girl* Hey girl, hey!
Stole my effin' boots....
Robert: What do you mean there's a very angry girl/boy out there saying I stole her boots?
Robert: *Singing* When I think of Lorelei, my head goes all arou-ou-ound, as gentle as a butterfly, she moves with a sound...
Robert: Lorelei, let's live together, brighter than the stars forever...
Robert: I call her on the telephone, she says be there by eight. Tonight's the night she's moving in, and I can hardly wait...
Stupid... effin'... hottie....
Translation: STUPID [EFF!]-ING RiCKROLL! DAMN YOU TO HELL! ALL I WANTED TO SEE WAS AN EPISODE OF THE KNIGHTS OF THE [EFF!]-ING ZODIAC, AND WHAT DO I GET?! RICK ASTLEY! I DON'T WANT TO SEE THIS SAD SON OF A [MAGI-CENSOR], I WANNA SEE SAINT [EFF!]-ING SEIYA! [EFF!] YOU, RICK ASTLEY, [EFF!] YOU! NOW I'M GOING TO GO READ YOTSUBA [EFF!]-ING &!!!!!!!! GOOD [EFF!]-ING DAY TO YOU, SIR! GOOD [EFF!]-ING DAY! *Throws computer*
Page-sama, correct me if I'm wrong, but... are you wearing women's jeans?
Watching you is James!
Taken at the Boston Tea Party, apparently. Damn hooligans...
He also watches you.
Did I mention once that I apparently am slightly possibly related to a royal family of some sort?
So ends my 180th post. With a Mario Cool Story Bro joke. How... high-brow.
So, wish me another hundred entries! With love, Lita.
· Mon Jul 29, 2013 @ 01:33am · 0 Comments