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What I'm doing on Journal once in a while
I'm going to be writing and posting stories here as much as possible. Check for stories once in awhile, but they won't be popping up every day. I like to make sure I have a spark when writing a story.
Hey
I just wrote the beginning of a roleplay
And I'd like some feedback on it
cuz ive never written one before
its about Moira, who is a greek goddess of time (fiction)
and it is in 2113
It is not completed yet, so I still need to edit it and all, but
PLEASE RESPOND

(This role play talks of the difficulties and experiences of being in control of the flow of time, and takes place a century in the future, so 2113)

Moira (watching her watch with unusual eagerness): It is almost time. I must go soon, Ben.

Ben: But we have hardly started my training, Moira. I cannot rule this place alone so soon.

Moira: You will have to, for it is time. Be back in a tick.

Ben: Moira!

Moira: Sorry Ben! Duty calls!(Moira vanishes in a flash of silver)

***

Moira (talking to herself): Now, if I was the ancestor of a future army general in the oncoming World War III, where would I be hiding? I swore on the river Styx that I would save him.(She unsheathes the adorned Celestial Bronze blade that she kept in its sheathe on her belt.)

Adam (from a significant distance): And I told her, shouldn't you be worried about yourself more often then me? I'll be fine! I don't believe that THIS building will collapse anytime soon!

Moira: Ah, yes, THAT voice has the right ring to it! Time to get serious, I suppose. The building is said to have a weak structure, so I suppose it could collapse. Hope he's under a door... that will make my eternal life MUCH easier.

(Moira slowly and calmly walks over to Adam, so as not to attract unwanted attention.)

Moira (whispering to Adam): Sir.

Adam (surprised): Ma'am?

Moira: May I speak to you, sir? It is quite urgent. And I ask for your trust.

Adam: Uh, well, I'm afraid I'll have to decline your request. I do not know you yet, young lady. Good day.

(Moira walks away a short distance, so as to keep an eye on Adam.)

Moira: Geez, if only I'd known it was this hard! Or, not hard, it wouldn't be hard to drag him out of here, but let me say it would not be pleasant for either of us. And he's not even in a door. Well, might as well check the structure of this building.

(Moira slips out the door, unnoticed.)

Moira (studying the building with concern): So many cracks... it would be so easy just to fix this, but the rules restrict me from it. I must not help anyone else live except Adam. Geez, sometimes I hate my job!(A stranger walks up to Moira.)

Stranger: Miss.

Moira: Yes?

Stranger: I do not mean to interrupt you, but I would get out of here. I can tell that this building is about to collapse. It will any minute now. The structure is already starting to crumble.

Moira: Thank you, good sir! I'm afraid I may not evacuate just yet though. There are people inside!

Stranger: I will help as well! Allow me to raise the alarm!

(The stranger hurries inside, and Moira hears the alarm go off. When Moira follows him inside, he is gone.)

Moira (smiling to herself): Help from friends...

(Moira hurries over to where Adam was standing before, but he has disappeared.)

Moira: I suppose I'll have to actually LOOK for him. Oh well.

(She glances around the room for Adam, hearing him, but not seeing him.)

Moira: His voice is coming from... the west.

(She heads towards the front of the room)

Moira: Is he here?

Adam (from behind her) You again?

Moira: Aye. But, listen, we really need to talk...

Adam: They set the alarm earlier, and you want to TALK! I was just preparing to go to the basement with everyone else when you showed up!

Moira: DON'T! Whatever else you do, DON'T go into the basement! You need to come with me. The building is collapsing, and I need to save you.

Adam: You need to save ME?!? Are you crazy? JUST me? Do you see all these people here? And how do you think YOU could save anyone?

Moira: I'll try to save as many people as I can, but I need to save YOU first. And you'd be surprised at what I'm capable of.

Adam: I don't believe you, ma'am, I'm sorry.

Moira: I thought you wouldn't. I swear on the River Styx that I'm telling the truth!

Adam: I do not know your oath, but I felt an anger stir somewhere when you said that. I believe you, I guess.

Moira: So you believe me when I tell you that in a thousand years, World War III will start, and there will be a general that you will be the ancestor of?

(Before Adam has a chance to respond, the building starts shaking and falling to pieces. Screams go up from the basement. Moira suppresses tears of frustration.)

Moira: I wish I could save everybody...

(Adam trips over a rogue piece of stone. Moira stops to help him up, but just then a slab of concrete pitches down, right on top of them...)

Moira: Get up and GET OUT OF THE WAY!

Adam: Not... enough... time!

Moira: Time is not an issue.

(With a burst of power coming directly from Moira, everything around the two halts.)

Moira: Come ON!

Adam: I'm coming!

(They run out the door, escaping the death trap of a building.)

Moira: Thank you for cooperating. It appears as though everything is in order... Time will run correctly during World War III... My work is done here!

Adam: Your work... in order... wait what? You aren't leaving already, are you?

Moira: My job was to save you from dying in that building. That job is done.

(Moira gives Adam a compassionate look and disappears in a silver flash.)

Adam: Funny... it would seem as though she was a goddess... that was probably a magicians trick.





Oromis-the-Elf-13
Community Member
Oromis-the-Elf-13
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  • User Comments: [1] [add]
    BlondeBeauty564
    Community Member
    avatar
    commentCommented on: Sun Jul 21, 2013 @ 07:44pm
    i like it!!! smilies/icon_3nodding.gifsmilies/icon_blaugh.gifsmilies/icon_biggrin.gifsmilies/icon_smile.gifsmilies/icon_razz.gif


    User Comments: [1] [add]
     
     
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